


it wouldn't be my world without you in it

by artemis_west



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Coma, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Kandreil - Freeform, M/M, Major Illness, Medical Inaccuracies, Pain, Post-Canon, Post-Series, Smut, anyway yeah this is angst, i think, only in the last chapter, slightly OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-02-06 12:22:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12817434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artemis_west/pseuds/artemis_west
Summary: AU where Neil has a genetic predisposition on the Hatford's side to a major potentially life-threatening health issue. He has no idea. One day, he collapses at a game and is rushed to the hospital.DISCLAIMER: i have been informed that most of the medical information i've so far written in this fic is inaccurate, thanks to the lovely ao3 user dustbottle who helped me out! kudos to them for letting me know. that being said, the amount of inaccuracies is big enough that i feel like i would have to go back and re-write the whole fic to change everything, which i do not want to do. so just be warned that most of the medical information you're reading is definitely wrong, but it's an AU anyway and it's all written for angst purposes, so as long as you're not bothered by the false information, please do continue reading!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> what is that summary? idk. i'm not good at writing angst anyway so we'll see how this turns out, but it was inspired by the group chat as are all of my fics lately. i intended for it to be mostly kevineil within kandreil. it was originally just gonna be a one-shot but then it started getting longer and longer. 
> 
> (title for this one is a quote from Gossip Girl, lol.)

The game started out fine. 

Their team was winning, and Neil was having a grand old time with it. Kevin wanted to be annoyed with him whenever they passed each other on the court and Neil gave him a smug grin, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t help smiling at Neil and wishing he could pull Neil closer and kiss him in the middle of the court. 

Neil was smug because Kevin had told him that he should take it easy during the game. Neil’s leg had been bothering him for a while - it was red and itchy and sore, for no reason anyone could seem to name - but of course Neil said he was fine to play. Kevin had been helping him with massages and exercises every time his leg acted up, since Neil refused to go to the doctor. He claimed it was nothing, probably just a side effect of running all the time, or maybe he wasn’t stretching it properly before games. It was just something to do with the muscle, he said, and it didn’t hurt that much. Nothing to worry about.

Still, Kevin had told Neil to take a break tonight if he needed to. Of course Neil - stubborn, headstrong Neil - refused. And now the game was over, and Neil had given it his all, never slipping up once. He was going to lord it over Kevin when they got home, Kevin could tell. Kevin wanted to kiss the smug expression off Neil’s face in front of everyone.

He still might, after the final buzzer went off. It wasn’t a secret that he, Neil and Andrew were together, and Kevin had gotten tired of trying to keep it subtle a long time ago. He loved Neil. He loved Andrew. He wanted to show it, and he wanted the world to know. 

It was amazing how much Kevin had changed since he’d graduated Palmetto. With Neil and Andrew in his life to keep him grounded, he’d become a completely different person. A person he actually liked. A person capable of growing and healing, of  _ loving,  _ and overcoming his past. A person he thought his mother would be proud of.

A person Neil was proud of. And Andrew, though he didn’t say it.

Neil started stumbling in the last fifteen minutes of the game. At first, Kevin didn’t pay any particular attention to it, because Neil just picked himself up and pushed himself harder. Of course he did. Kevin assumed he was just tired. It had been a particularly taxing game. But Kevin didn’t miss the way Andrew’s eyes started tracking Neil across the court. 

When the final buzzer sounded on their win, Neil dropped his racquet. He took his helmet off and grinned across the court at Kevin, who grinned back automatically. 

That was when Neil’s smile flickered. He winced and put a hand to his chest.

Andrew saw it before it happened. He was out of the goal and striding towards Neil immediately. 

Kevin’s instincts kicked in and told him something was very, very wrong. 

Neil started coughing. 

Then he started choking. 

He clutched his throat, struggling to take in air. His face started to turn red. Kevin’s heart stopped. 

His feet carried him across the court towards Neil and Andrew. Andrew had his hand on Neil’s shoulder, and Kevin could see the tension in every inch of his frame as Neil struggled to breathe. Andrew didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what was wrong. 

Neil fell to his knees. 

On his next cough, he spat up blood.

Neil’s hands scrabbled uselessly at the court floor, his breath coming out in choked gasps. He looked up at Kevin and Andrew, his blue eyes watering. One of his hands reached up for them, and Kevin knelt beside him immediately, fighting off tears. What was happening? What was wrong?

“Andrew,” Kevin choked out. “Help.”

Neil collapsed. 

Kevin gathered him in his arms, saying his name, while Andrew yelled, “Coach! Get the fucking ambulance,  _ now. _ ”

Kevin took off his helmet, abandoning it at his side. He yanked his gloves off so he could run a shaking hand through Neil’s hair. 

“Oh God,” Kevin cried. “Andrew, he isn’t breathing.  _ He isn’t fucking breathing.” _ CPR? Should he do CPR? But he had no idea what the fuck was happening, he didn’t know if mouth-to-mouth would make it worse, Neil was  _ fine  _ before this, he was healthy, he was happy, he was - he was  _ alive -  _

Both of the teams were gathering around them, trying to see what was wrong, their coaches were approaching, phones to their ears, one of the team doctors was kneeling in front of Kevin and Neil, trying to find the problem. Andrew stood an unyielding pillar behind Kevin, legs against Kevin’s back, hand tight on his shoulder. 

“Back up,” Andrew spat viciously, warning the crowd away from them. “Get the fuck away from us.”

“Give him space,” the team doctor agreed, putting a stethoscope to Neil’s chest. The Exy players all looked at each other, varying expressions of worry and fear on their faces. None of them had a particular fondness for Neil or Andrew, specifically Andrew, but Neil was still their teammate. He was still one of the best strikers in the nation. He was still one of the most important people in the world to Kevin. He was still a vital member of their team, and he’d been more or less friendly to most of them on more than one occasion. Andrew always denied their teammates’ rare invitations to go out drinking, but sometimes Neil indulged them, if Kevin went along. 

Kevin’s teammates were calling his name, trying to figure out what was going on, but he couldn’t hear any of them. All he could hear was his heartbeat pulsing in his ears as he stared down at Neil’s unconscious body, refusing to let go of him. 

“He’s not breathing,” the team doctor said, and Kevin wanted to scream at her. 

Andrew did it for him. 

“You fucking idiot. Of course he’s not breathing. Your job is to figure out  _ why.” _

Andrew was unraveling. It was rare he ever voluntarily spoke to anyone besides Kevin or Neil, their coach, or the old Foxes when they called to check in. Occasionally he would make sarcastic remarks to his team that earned him the reputation of being the most disliked, but he never snapped at them in genuine anger, not with Kevin and Neil always there to balance him.

But Neil wasn’t conscious to keep Andrew calm, and Kevin’s world was crashing down around him. 

“Sir, you have to let us take him.”

Those were the next words Kevin registered in his ears. He looked up through bleary eyes. EMTs were there with a stretcher. Andrew was clutching his shoulder so hard it hurt. 

“Get him to the hospital as fast as you can,” Kevin demanded. “Please. Please don’t let him - “ He choked on his last words. Neil’s body was taken from his arms and lifted carefully onto the stretcher. Kevin stood up, his magnetic pull to Neil making him follow the EMTs off the court. Andrew was close behind him. Kevin didn’t care about changing out of his gear or showering. He didn’t care about anything but Neil, Neil, Neil. 

Kevin climbed into the back of the ambulance on autopilot. Andrew said, “I’ll meet you at the hospital.” His voice broke on the last word, though his face remained still as stone. Kevin nodded shakily. The doors closed on Andrew, and the ambulance started to move. The medical techs hooked Neil into machines and tried to pinpoint the problem. They put a tube down his throat to help him breathe. They ripped open his Exy jersey to examine his chest. Kevin watched it all from his spot in the back of the ambulance, tears clogging his throat and his chest twisting in pain. 

He couldn’t lose Neil. Not after everything they’d been through to get to this point. He wouldn’t survive it. 

“Looks like a massive pulmonary embolism,” he heard one of the EMTs say after a few minutes. “Get him on thrombolytics.” They were examining Neil’s leg. Kevin couldn’t breathe. He  _ knew  _ it was something, he’d  _ told  _ Neil to go to the doctor.

_ “It’s fine, babe,”  _ Neil would say every time Kevin prompted him _. “I can still walk and run. It barely even hurts.” _

Kevin didn’t know why this was happening. He didn’t understand. Neil was healthy. He had to be in order to keep playing. Kevin made him eat healthy when they were at home, despite Andrew’s need to stock their cabinets with junk food and ice cream. Neil went on runs in the mornings. He went to the gym regularly. 

“Please,” Kevin whispered desperately, his throat clogged. “Please let him be okay.”

“Sir, do you know his medical history?” One of the EMTs was crouched in front of Kevin, trying to get him to pay attention. “You might be able to help us pinpoint the cause. PE’s are usually caused by something called deep vein thrombosis, a condition that causes blood clots to form in the body, usually in the legs, where they travel up into the lungs and constrict air flow. That’s what’s happening now. Are you following me?”

Kevin squeezed his eyes shut. He took deep breaths. The image of Neil coughing up blood onto the court floor played on repeat in his brain. 

The EMT put a hand on his knee. “It’s okay, sir. Just listen to the sound of my voice and try to calm down. We’re going to get your teammate to the hospital and get him the treatment he needs.”

“He’s not just my teammate,” Kevin choked out. He was surprised the EMTs didn’t already know who they were. “He’s everything to me. You can’t let him - he can’t - “ Kevin broke, and he put his face in his hands and sobbed.

The EMT paused, and then understanding filled her eyes. She nodded somberly. “Okay, then, sir. We’re doing everything we can to help him, but we need you to help us. Now, your partner seems to be in decent health for his age, which means the PE was most likely caused by genetic predisposition, or smoking. Is he a smoker?”

Kevin had been trying to get Andrew to quit smoking for years. If Andrew was the cause of this, if the second-hand smoke and the cigarettes were the reason Neil wasn’t breathing right now . . .

Kevin was done. He and Andrew wouldn’t be okay ever again. Of all the things he wasn’t sure of right now, Kevin knew that with a chilling certainty.

“Our boyfriend smokes,” Kevin said, ignoring the look of surprise on the EMT’s face. “Neil, he - he doesn’t actually smoke, but he - he has a thing, I can’t explain it. But he’s around cigarettes constantly.”

“What about his family medical history?” the EMT asked. “Do you know anything about that?”

Kevin didn’t know a thing about the Wesninskis except their involvement with the Moriyamas. He didn’t know a thing about the Hatfords, either. “ _ Fuck, _ ” he cried. “I don’t know. Please just help him. Please, I can’t lose him.”

“You won’t, sir,” the EMT tried to comfort him while her coworkers buzzed around them. “We’re working on it as fast as we can. As long as we get him into the emergency room on time, he should be okay.”

_ Should be. Should be. Should be.  _

Not ‘will be.’

Kevin looked at Neil on the stretcher. He was still unconscious, tubes and needles sticking out of him, a mask over his face to help him breathe, his uniform torn open over his chest. Kevin wanted to take his hand, but he couldn’t with the EMTs in the way. All he could do was sit there and fall apart. All he could do was sit there and try to imagine a world without Neil. 

He couldn’t. 

A world without Neil wasn’t a world at all. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER (again): i am not a nurse or a doctor and have little to no medical knowledge, everything about pulmonary embolisms i learned from internet research for the purpose of this fic. hence why most of it is wrong. again, thanks to dustbottle for pointing that out! i'm just too lazy to edit it.
> 
> i chose pulmonary embolisms as the thing neil suffers from because i wanted it to be a very real threat and i wanted it to be really serious and life-threatening, something he could die from that wasn't cancer. at first i thought about just giving him a fatal injury, but then i thought a medical issue would be better suited to the fic.

Kevin didn’t know when they got to the hospital, but he noticed the ambulance stop, and when the doors were flung open and the stretcher was lifted out, he was following it, running alongside it, tears streaming down his face. And even though Neil probably couldn’t hear him, Kevin was talking to him, hoping and wishing and praying that the words would get through somehow.

“Please, baby, please don’t leave me. Can you hear me, Neil? Tell me you can hear me. I need you, Neil. I love you so much. Please don’t leave me here alone.”

“Sir, we have to get him into surgery now,” the doctors were saying. “The medicines we gave him in the ambulance don’t seem to be working. We need to see if we can get rid of the clot. You need to back away and let us do our job.”

“You don’t understand!” Kevin shouted, refusing to look away from Neil’s face, fighting against the doctors and nurses when they tried to keep him away. Neil’s body got farther and farther away from him, disappearing down the hall. “He’s my whole fucking world, he’s  _ everything  _ to me, I can’t live without him,  _ please let me go with him. _ ”

Kevin had never felt like this before. Through all of the pain the Moriyamas made him suffer, through the loss of his mother, through Neil’s kidnapping, through everything, the pure terror and fear in his body had never been as strong as it was now. 

It was Neil’s kidnapping by Nathan back in college when Kevin realized how he really felt about Neil. He’d been involved with Andrew off and on before that, though it stopped when Neil came and captured Andrew’s attention. Kevin was jealous, for a while. Then he was terrified when he found out who Neil really was. Then, when Neil was taken from them, it hit him. He was in love. So deeply, crazy intensely in love. He was hopeless. 

Kevin didn’t approach Andrew and Neil until after they’d won finals against the Ravens, until after Riko was dead. Riko’s death took a toll on Kevin, though he wished it didn’t. But Neil was suddenly there to hold him up. Neil was suddenly his shoulder to cry on. In his grief, Kevin kissed Neil for the first time, needing comfort, needing warmth, needing him. Neil was surprised, but he didn’t pull away. 

And it had all gone on from there. Things had just slid into place like a key twisting in a lock, tumblers clicking together. Now the three of them had an apartment together, they were on the same professional team, they had cats, they had a life. They were happy. 

If it was all taken away from him after everything, Kevin wouldn’t survive it. He wasn’t strong enough. 

His legs wobbled underneath him. Kevin watched Neil be wheeled away, unable to go with him, and suddenly he couldn’t stand anymore. Everything in him gave out. 

A pair of strong arms caught him and held him up. Andrew. Andrew had said he would follow them to the hospital. He must’ve broken every traffic law in existence to stay behind the ambulance. 

Andrew wrapped his arms around Kevin, holding him tight. Kevin put his head on Andrew’s shoulder and sobbed for just a minute before he remembered what the EMTs had told him. And then anger rose up in him, violent and powerful. He shoved Andrew away. Andrew stumbled and hit the wall, shock replacing his usually stoic expression as he blinked at Kevin. 

“Blood clot in his lungs,” Kevin snarled, his hands clenching into fists. “They said it could be caused by smoking. I have tried, for  _ years,  _ to get you to quit. I told you it would kill you someday. But now Neil is the one who can’t breathe. Neil is the one who sits with you when you smoke, the one who always takes the fucking cigarettes you offer him.” Kevin’s chest rattled as he took in his next breath. A terrible, vicious monster borne of paralyzing fear and crushing grief was the reason he couldn’t control the next words out of his mouth:

“If he dies because of you, I will never forgive you.”

Andrew’s expression shuttered. His face slipped into a blank mask. He stared at Kevin for a long minute, his body entirely still and unmoving. Kevin could see him breathing, slow intakes of air. The only sign that Andrew was affected by Kevin’s words at all was the unsteadiness of his breaths. 

Andrew turned and walked away. 

For a moment, Kevin just stood there in the middle of the hallway, staring at the exit Andrew had gone through. 

He didn’t know if Andrew would come back.

Kevin had forgotten, in his anger and helplessness, that there was another option. That the reason Neil was dying right now -  _ he’s not dead, he’s not dead, he can’t be -  _ might be because of some unknown medical condition in his family. And even if it wasn’t, even if it was the smoking, Kevin knew it wasn’t Andrew’s fault. Not really. He just needed someone to blame, needed a reason for this overwhelming feeling of dread and panic crushing his chest.

He needed to apologize. He needed to call Andrew and tell him the other option, make sure he knew this wasn’t his fault. Kevin couldn’t do this alone. He couldn’t be here by himself while Neil was . . . he just couldn’t. 

Andrew had always been the strength between them. Andrew was the stabilizing force that held them all together. They needed him. Kevin needed him. 

_ Stupid, _ Kevin berated himself in his head.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid.  _

He couldn’t do anything about it now. If he called Andrew, he knew Andrew wouldn’t answer. There was nothing for it but to wait until he came back. Kevin knew he had to come back eventually. He wouldn’t leave Neil here. He wouldn’t go far, not while Neil was hurt. Kevin knew Andrew wouldn’t have left the hospital at all if it weren’t for his brutal, cutting words. It was his fault. 

Kevin put his hands in his hair, his breathing coming out in high-pitched wheezes. He pulled at his hair in frustration. 

Someone was in front of him, trying to get him to calm down. Coach. It was their coach. Kevin recognized her faintly through the buzz in his ears and the blurriness in his eyes. She was speaking in a soothing tone, though it did nothing to soothe him. 

“Day,” she was saying. “Who do I need to call?”

“Dad,” Kevin whispered immediately. “Wymack.”

“Okay. Give me your phone.”

Kevin patted his pockets, then realized he was still wearing his Exy uniform. He shook his head, feeling his throat close up. His coach patted his shoulder. 

“Alright. Deep breaths, Kevin. I saw Minyard outside. Do you think he would have it? I saw him take your bags before he left the stadium.”

Relief that Andrew hadn’t left made Kevin sob. His coach tried to steady him, incredibly patient and calm. It belied the tightness around her eyes, worry for Neil. 

“In the car,” Kevin choked out. His coach nodded and gently coaxed Kevin into a nearby chair. She left him with shaking hands while she disappeared to find his phone. She came back ten minutes later, with Kevin’s cell-phone and a bottle of water. 

“Drink this,” she said. Kevin somehow managed to open the bottle and take a sip. Coach handed him his phone, and Kevin took it in an unsteady fist. 

“Is Andrew still outside?” Kevin didn’t recognize his own voice.

Coach nodded. “He’s tearing apart all his cigarettes and crumbling them up instead of smoking them.” She raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. She knew enough about Andrew, Kevin and Neil as a unit to understand it was something she couldn’t ask about. 

Kevin couldn’t breathe. His phone shook in his hand, and he shut his eyes because his vision was spinning. 

“Kevin,” his coach said, squeezing his knee. “Do you need me to call your father?”

Kevin nodded. It was all he could do. Jesus Christ, he couldn’t - he couldn’t just  _ sit here  _ while Neil was -

His coach took his phone from him and searched through the contacts for Wymack’s number. She dialed it and held the phone to her ear. 

Kevin tuned out the conversation until his coach handed his phone back to him. He took it and whispered, “Dad?”

“Son,” Wymack said, and then cleared his throat. His voice was rough when he spoke again. “What’s going on? What’s wrong with Neil?”

“He - “ Kevin took a deep breath and tried to get the words out. “They said there’s a blood clot in his lungs.” He tried to explain as best as he could. “I don’t - they said it might be a genetic thing.”

“Can we get his uncle on the phone?” Wymack asked after a moment. Of course. Stuart. Stuart would know if it was something genetic. 

But Kevin didn’t know if Neil kept his uncle’s number in his phone. He doubted it. He let out a shaking breath. “I don’t know.”

“Try, Kevin. I’ll do whatever I can to help. Do you need me and Abby to fly out there? We can get the earliest flight available.”

“Please,” Kevin whispered helplessly. He knew how Andrew hated the word, but it was the only one he knew right now.

“Okay,” Wymack said. “Okay. Abby’s looking at flights now. We’ll let you know when we leave.” Kevin heard his father take a deep breath. “Breathe, son. Just breathe. It’s gonna be alright.”

“How do you know that?” Kevin’s voice was small and broken. 

“Because if I know anything about Neil, it’s that he’s stubborn. He’s a fighter, and he doesn’t give up easily. You know that, too.”

Amazingly, Kevin felt a watery smile find its way onto his face. “Yeah,” he said. “He is.” And suddenly he was remembering every single one of he and Neil’s fights, from the moment they’d first met. Genuinely hostile ones at first, angry ones, and then petty ones, stupid ones. After they got together, their fights had evolved into silly ones that usually ended in laughing and kissing. Kevin pictured that adorable little scowl that appeared on Neil’s face whenever he refused to give ground. He never stopped until he got what he wanted, and Kevin always let him have his way. 

Kevin put a hand to his mouth to hold back his sob. “I can’t lose him, Dad.”

Wymack’s breath hitched on the other end of the line. “You won’t.”


	3. Chapter 3

Hours passed in an unfocused haze. Andrew didn’t come back inside. Kevin’s coach stayed with him, watching him pace back and forth in the hospital waiting room before she made him go outside to get some air. She would handle whatever paperwork needed to be done, she promised. If the doctors came out, she would call Kevin back inside immediately. 

It took everything Kevin had in him to leave the hospital, but when he did, he found Andrew standing in the dark outside. 

Broken cigarettes littered the ground around his feet. An empty pack was in Andrew’s hands, and he was staring heavily at what looked to be the very last cigarette. He didn’t look up when Kevin approached him slowly and cautiously, like Andrew was a cornered animal. 

“Andrew, I’m - “ Kevin started to say. Andrew crushed his pack in a sudden angry fist. 

“Don’t you dare fucking speak to me right now.”

“I’m  _ sorry - “ _

Andrew’s hand came up. Kevin braced himself for the fingers around his neck, the choking grip, but it didn’t come. Andrew’s hand paused less than an inch from Kevin’s throat, and his fingers twitched violently, his expression murderous. But Kevin didn’t know if the look in Andrew’s eyes was aimed at Kevin or Andrew himself. It felt like both.

Andrew let his hand fall limply at his side. He dropped his empty cigarette pack and let the last cigarette fall to the ground. He stared at it for a minute or two before he crushed it with his foot, grinding the heel of his sneaker into it. He was still wearing his Exy uniform, too. 

“I didn’t mean it,” Kevin whispered shakily, wanting desperately to reach out for him, to pull Andrew close. He needed something to hold onto, or he was going to fall apart. “I’m sorry. I just - I’m so fucking scared right now.” 

“Shut up,” Andrew snapped. “I know.” He took in a deep breath, his eyes still on the ground. 

“This isn’t your fault,” Kevin whispered, taking a step closer to him. “I’m sorry I said that. They think it might be a genetic thing, from his family.”

“But it could also be from smoking.” Andrew ground the words out through his teeth, his hands clenched into fists. 

“Even if it is,” Kevin said, “he’s in surgery now, and they can remove the clot. They can fix it.” He’d been breaking down only moments before, terrified and adrift with no shred of optimism in sight, but Andrew needed him now. They needed each other. 

They needed to believe Neil would be alright. 

“What exactly did they say it was?” Andrew asked flatly. Kevin wracked his brain to find the correct terminology the EMTs had used. 

“Pulmonary embolism.”

Andrew pulled out his phone immediately. He must’ve taken it out of the car when he went to get his cigarettes. Kevin watched him do a search on pulmonary embolisms, Andrew’s eyes glued to the screen. Kevin took that as the chance he needed and stepped forward, closing the distance between them. Andrew tensed, but relaxed after only a moment. Kevin leaned his head down and rested it on top of Andrew’s, arms circling around Andrew’s waist.

And Kevin breathed, in and out slowly, until he felt steady again.

* * *

 

Wymack must have called the rest of the former Foxes, because after Kevin and Andrew went back inside together, side by side, their phones went off one after the other. Andrew ignored every call except the ones from Bee and Aaron. Kevin answered a few of them, offering only vague explanations and poor reassurances. He could breathe a little easier now with Andrew there to hold him up, but he couldn’t fully relax until he knew Neil was okay. 

Their coach still sat in the waiting room, a cup of coffee in hand as she flipped through a magazine with the other. She looked up when Kevin and Andrew approached. 

“No word yet,” she said. Kevin’s face fell and his heart stuttered in fear. Andrew pressed himself against Kevin’s side. 

“Should the surgery be taking this long?” Kevin asked. His feet wanted to carry him through the hospital until he was at Neil’s side again. “Can we get a nurse out here, somebody?” He looked around for anyone to help him, focusing on Andrew’s solid presence beside him so he wouldn’t fall apart again. 

“I’ll see what I can do.” Their coach stood up and sighed, rubbing exhaustion from her eyes. “In the meantime, you both might want to get some coffee. There’s a station down the hall.” She went off in search of a nurse, and Kevin clutched Andrew’s hand tightly, his entire body coiled with tension. 

Andrew’s research on pulmonary embolisms had yielded mixed results: people who were treated promptly after suffering a PE were likely to survive, but Neil had suffered a massive one. They had gotten him to the hospital as quickly as they could. They’d worked on him in the ambulance, though it still terrified Kevin that the EMTs claimed the medicines they had given Neil didn’t work. And what terrified him the most was Neil’s leg. His leg had been red and itchy for almost a week. If he’d had a blood clot for that long and it had gone untreated . . . 

Andrew had stopped reading up on it after he got to the gritty details. There were pictures and stories from people who had survived. Kevin couldn’t look at any of them, and Andrew’s screen almost cracked with how tight he was holding the phone.

The symptoms of a PE were sudden. Shortness of breath, elevated heart rate, excessive sweating. All things Neil would typically experience after a game. He probably didn’t even know what was happening until he started coughing. 

Kevin couldn’t stop picturing Neil coughing up blood. He couldn’t stop picturing Neil smiling at him one moment, wincing in pain the next. Falling to the ground. Hands reaching out to Kevin and Andrew. Eyes watering as his lungs failed him.

Andrew had no words of comfort to offer; only his presence, and that was almost enough. Kevin leaned against him and closed his eyes, trying to think of Neil’s face. His smile, the crinkle of his eyes when he grinned at Kevin, the sound of his laugh, happy and bright. He had to be okay. He had to be okay. He had to be.

What felt like more hours later, their coach came back with a nurse in tow. Kevin didn’t wait for either of them to speak. 

“How is he?” he demanded. “Please tell me he’s - ” Alive. Breathing. Anything. Kevin couldn’t finish his sentence.

“There were some . . . complications with the surgery,” the nurse said hesitantly, her eyes flicking between Kevin and Andrew. Kevin shook his head desperately. He put his hand over his mouth.

“No. No, no, no.”

“Kevin,” his coach reached out and put a hand on his arm. “Calm down.”

“The clot was larger than we expected,” the nurse continued. “It appears to have gone undiagnosed for some time before this. The surgeons were able to remove it and stop the bleeding, as well as restore Mr. Josten’s breathing, but Mr. Josten went into cardiac arrest during the surgery. He slipped into a coma.”

Kevin broke. He couldn’t hold himself up anymore. 

Andrew stood frozen solid, his hand in Kevin’s as Kevin collapsed into a chair. 

“Where is he,” Andrew said. It wasn’t a question. It was a demand. 

“We’ve put him in a room in the ICU. I can take you both to him, if you’d like.” 

Andrew tugged at Kevin’s arm, not gently. His grip on Kevin’s hand was tight and crushing. But Kevin supposed he was grateful for that - he welcomed the pain. It kept him anchored. If he let go, he felt like everything around him would shatter. 

The hospital was a winding maze of hallways and rooms, and Kevin didn’t recognize any of it. He could only see what was right in front of him, could only feel Andrew next to him, silent as the grave. He didn’t know if their coach was following them, and he didn’t care. 

The ICU felt like a cemetery. There were mourning and grieving families waiting outside rooms, tears and desperate prayers, sick and dying patients around every corner. Neil was in one of these rooms. Kevin couldn’t take it. He felt fragile as glass. 

They stopped outside room 310. “Your partner is in bed number two,” the nurse said. Kevin would’ve laughed if he didn’t feel like he was dying inside. 310. Number two. It was all of their Exy numbers together. 

It felt like the world was playing a cruel, sick joke on them. 

For a moment, Kevin and Andrew stood frozen outside the room. But then Andrew took a deep breath in and stepped forward. Kevin followed, never taking his hand out of Andrew’s. 

A strangled sound escaped Kevin’s lips when he saw Neil. 

He was lying motionless in the bed, hooked up to countless machines, tubes sticking out of him everywhere, needles stuck into his skin. There was a mask over his face just like there’d been in the ambulance. His eyes were closed. They’d put him in a hospital gown, so the evidence of surgery was hidden. Kevin remembered the EMTs ripping open Neil’s jersey when they were in the ambulance. Neil was going to be furious about that when he woke up. 

When he woke up. 

_ If _ he woke up. 

Kevin stumbled to Neil’s bedside, finally letting go of Andrew’s hand. He fell to his knees next to the bed, hands reaching out for Neil. He brushed gently at Neil’s auburn hair, pushing it back from his forehead. Neil looked so broken like this. So small. He was pale and cold. Like he was already dead. 

Kevin reached for Neil’s hand and clutched it tightly, holding onto it like a lifeline. 

“Neil,” Kevin whispered quietly. His voice broke on the word, and a fresh wave of tears fell from his eyes. “It’s me, baby, I’m here.” He sniffled and looked up at the nurse. “Coma patients - they can still hear things?”

“Sometimes,” the nurse said gently. “It never hurts to talk to him.”

Kevin brushed his thumb over Neil’s palm, his heart slowly crumbling piece by infinite piece in his chest. He could feel Andrew behind him. 

“How long?” Andrew asked the nurse. Kevin winced at the tone of his voice. He heard how much Andrew was holding back.

“It could be anywhere from two to four weeks,” the nurse replied. Kevin’s breath left him in a rush. A month. Neil could be like this for a month. Kevin wouldn’t be able to function until Neil woke up. The thought of going back to Exy, of trying to focus on games and practices while Neil was like this - it was impossible. 

Kevin looked up at his coach, who had joined them in the room. “I’m not leaving him. I’ll sleep here every night if I have to until he wakes up. I’m not leaving his side.”

“Kevin,” Coach said, her tone cautious. “There’s nothing you can do for him. All you can do is wait until he wakes up and trust that the professionals are doing their jobs. Neil is in good hands. He’ll be fine here.”

“I don’t care,” Kevin said. “I’m staying with him.” He knew, in the back of his mind, that he was being unreasonable. But he didn’t care. The sight of Neil in a hospital bed like this would give him nightmares for the rest of his life. 

“Get out.” It was Andrew’s voice, harsh and cold. He was looking at their coach. Coach pursed her lips unhappily, but she sighed and left the room. She knew better than to challenge Andrew when he was upset. 

The nurse lingered, looking back and forth between Kevin and Andrew. “You two can stay for now, but normal visiting hours are - ”

“You get out too,” Andrew snapped. “Leave us alone.” He glared at her until she left. Then Kevin, Andrew and Neil were alone. Andrew went to the other side of Neil’s bed and stood there, looking down at Neil’s body. His jaw was clenched, his eyes swimming with fury and anger and worry and fear. Kevin could read his emotions all over him. Since they’d graduated Palmetto and moved in together, Andrew had gotten better at letting Kevin and Neil see his feelings. Sometimes that was a good thing, and sometimes it was bad. When it was bad, Neil was usually there to talk Andrew down from the edge. 

Neil wasn’t there this time. Not in the way Andrew needed him to be. 

Andrew reached out a hand and drew one gentle finger over Neil’s cheek before he pulled it away. 

“You’re so fucking stubborn,” Kevin whispered to Neil. “I hate you for it sometimes. I  _ told  _ you to go get your leg checked out. I told you to go to the doctor. But you didn’t listen to me. Why do you never listen to me?”

“You’re an idiot for playing tonight,” Andrew said, and for a second Kevin thought Andrew was talking to him. But when he looked up, Andrew’s eyes were on Neil’s face. “If you can hear me, know that I really do hate you.” Andrew took a deep breath in and let it out unsteadily. “Wake the fuck up so I can tell you how much I hate you.”

Kevin’s throat closed up. He leaned his head against the side of Neil’s bed and gripped his hand. 

Andrew came to sit beside Kevin again. There were two chairs in the corner of the room, and Andrew pulled them forward so they could both sit. For a while, they sat in silence and watched Neil, listened to the machines beep and whir. Kevin sat there until the tears dried on his face and his breathing evened out, and Andrew sat until his chest stopped feeling like it was ripping itself open. He took Kevin’s hand again at some point, and Kevin rested his head on Andrew’s shoulder. 

They last thing they both saw before they fell asleep together was Neil.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how to write Andrew, I hope I'm doing an okay job

Andrew was already awake when Kevin woke up. He sat motionless in his chair by Neil’s bedside, staring at Neil’s prone form on the bed. Andrew’s eyes never strayed from Neil’s face. 

Kevin noticed after a moment that Andrew had changed out of his Exy uniform and was wearing his customary black - long-sleeved shirt, jeans, boots. He also had a steaming cup of what smelled like hot chocolate in his hands. 

Kevin blinked the rest of the way awake and stretched, wincing at the pain in his joints from sleeping in a chair. He would gladly take it, though. He wasn’t leaving this chair until Neil woke up. 

“Here,” Andrew said, kicking an object on the ground at Kevin’s feet. It was his Exy bag. Andrew must have gone and gotten their bags from the car so they could change into normal clothes. 

“Thanks,” Kevin said quietly. His voice was raspy. He ran a hand over his face and let out an exhausted sigh, and Andrew reached over to squeeze Kevin’s knee once before he pulled his hand away. 

It was hard for Kevin to look away from Neil and get out of his chair. But he was only going to the bathroom - thank God there was one in the room - a few steps away. And Andrew was here. Neil was okay for now. 

Still, Kevin bent down and kissed Neil’s forehead before he grabbed his Exy bag and brought it into the bathroom. 

Kevin avoided looking at himself in the mirror. He knew he’d have bags under his eyes, and that they would be red-rimmed. And if he saw his reflection, he thought he might break again. But Kevin had woken up with a sudden determination: he had to be strong now. He had to be strong for Neil, and for Andrew, because that’s what Neil would want. 

Kevin was used to letting Andrew be the strong one for all three of them, but that wasn’t fair. Andrew couldn’t be strong all the time. And Kevin knew Andrew was dying inside. He knew how much this was killing Andrew. He could feel it. 

So he needed to be strong, and he needed to hold them both together until Neil woke up. 

When Kevin came out of the bathroom, there was a nurse at Neil’s bed, fiddling with machines and the needles stuck in Neil’s arm. She glanced briefly at Kevin and offered him a faint smile and a polite “Good morning, sir,” before she returned to her work. Andrew was watching her carefully, eyes monitoring every single movement she made. 

“Everything looks ship-shape,” the nurse said cheerfully, straightening Neil’s pillows. “Have either of you spoken to Dr. Marsten yet?”

Kevin shook his head for both of them. “No, ma’am. We’ve been here since last night, since he was taken into surgery. The nurse took us to his room after he was put here, but we fell asleep before the doctor came in.”

“That’s quite alright. Dr. Marsten should be in momentarily, and he’ll go over any questions or concerns you might have. Are you family?”

“Yes,” Andrew said before Kevin could answer. On all of their health forms, they were all  marked as each other’s emergency contact. None of them were married, but they lived together, and they’d been registered as domestic partners a while ago. Beyond that, Kevin was sure he could convince anyone he needed to give he and Andrew the legal rights to care for Neil and handle his medical bills. If Kevin couldn’t convince them, Andrew would fight tooth and nail for it. If it came to that. 

The nurse’s question had brought Andrew’s defenses up, and Kevin’s shoulders tensed just slightly, though he tried to keep his friendly public-persona smile on his face. 

“We live together,” he explained as politely as he could. “The three of us.” Their relationship had been met with scrutiny more than once by people who didn’t know them, and Kevin was tired of trying to defend it. He loved Neil and Andrew, and he wanted to be with them both. He would do anything for either of them. He couldn’t understand why people had such a hard time getting that through their heads. 

But the nurse just smiled and nodded. “Wonderful. There shouldn’t be any problems as far as I’m concerned, but like I said, Dr. Marsten will go over everything with you.”

Before she could leave, Kevin said, “And Neil? He’s . . . okay?” The nurse had already said everything looked fine, but Kevin needed to make sure. He eyed the machines that were keeping track of Neil’s vitals. The nurse’s smile was gentle when she looked at Kevin. 

“He’s fine, honey. He’s reacting well to the medicines he was administered during surgery, and the doctors stopped the cardiac arrest before it got too serious.”

“So then why - ”  _ Why is he in a coma? Why is he like this? Why isn’t he awake?  _ Kevin pursed his lips shut and shook his head, forcing himself to swallow down the lump that had started to form in his throat. “Never mind. Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” the nurse assured him. Her eyes were soft and sympathetic. “He’ll wake up, honey. I promise.”

“Do not make promises you can’t keep,” Andrew said flatly. He hadn’t moved from his chair, and his eyes never left Neil’s face. The hand that wasn’t holding his hot chocolate was curled into a fist on the arm of his chair. 

The nurse opened her mouth to speak again, but Kevin smiled at her. “Thank you, ma’am.”

Realizing it as a polite dismissal, the nurse nodded and left the room. She left the door open behind her, but Kevin closed it until it was only open a small sliver. He let his shoulders fall and went to sit beside Andrew again. 

“I’m surprised I was able to sleep,” Kevin said quietly. He ran a hand over his face. “I called my dad yesterday. I think he and Abby are flying out today.”

Andrew was quiet for a time before he said, “I tried to convince Bee to stay at home, but she refused. She’ll be here soon.” 

Kevin wasn’t surprised. Andrew probably needed Bee more than he knew right now. Kevin was fiercely glad they still kept in touch with the Foxes’ old psychiatrist. She’d been a large part of why Andrew was more comfortable with letting his emotions out now around Kevin and Neil. Kevin would always be grateful to her for that. 

Kevin sat forward and took Neil’s hand, hating the cold temperature of his skin. He wanted to tuck Neil’s blankets better around him. “Morning, baby. It’s me.” 

Kevin gently lifted Neil’s hand from the bed and kissed the back of it, twining their fingers together. Neil didn’t return the grip. A shuddering breath left Kevin’s lungs. 

“It’s too quiet in here,” he said. He didn’t know if he was speaking to Neil or Andrew now, but Andrew responded. 

“This will probably be the only time in our lives we won’t have to hear Neil’s mouth getting him in trouble. As soon as he wakes up, he’ll say something to make the doctors want to put him under again.” He said it derisively, but Kevin could hear the thinly veiled pain in Andrew’s voice.

Kevin wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t. He wished he could touch Neil’s lips, but they were covered by the oxygen mask over his face. 

“I would take his smart mouth over this,” Kevin whispered. “Every time.”

After a long moment, Andrew let out a breath. “I guess it is too quiet in here.”

“We should play him some music,” Kevin suggested. “He likes Top 40, right?”

“If you put on Top 40 I will kill you.”

“It’s his favorite.”

“It’s only his favorite because he doesn’t have a mind of his own and Allison and Nicky have somehow convinced him that processed garbage is good music.” Andrew pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I have to hear those stupid pop songs enough at home.”

“At least now he can’t sing along,” Kevin said, and he regretted it the moment the words left his mouth. Andrew smirked, but it was empty. He pulled up his music library on his phone and started playing a soft, pleasant acoustic song. He put his phone on the table next to Neil’s bed. 

“There,” he said. “He likes this.”

Kevin recognized it - it was a song he’d heard Neil humming in the shower plenty of times before. The lyrics were warm and happy, and the melody was soft and sleepy, the singer’s voice relaxing. It was a good song. It fit Neil. 

“He sings this to me,” Andrew said. “When I have trouble sleeping.” Kevin looked over at him. Andrew’s jaw was stiff and his face was frozen in a mask of forced indifference, but his eyes weren’t hiding anything. “I hate it.”

A weak smile lifted Kevin’s lips. He reached over and took Andrew’s hand. Andrew squeezed it hard enough that the bones in Kevin’s fingers ached. 

But Kevin didn’t mind. 

They sat like that until the song was over. When the last note faded into the air, the doctor arrived. 

Kevin stood up immediately, moving to shake the doctor’s hand. “Dr. Marsten?”

“Yes, that’s me. Kevin Day, I presume? And Andrew Minyard. You are Mr. Josten’s family?”

Kevin nodded. “What can you tell us?” Kevin had hundreds of questions, hundreds of concerns, but the one that was ringing through his head the most was  _ When will he wake up? When will I see his smile again?  _

And then,  _ Is this permanent? What if this happens again? Will he have this for the rest of his life? _

_ Will he be able to play again? _

Last night, the last thing on Kevin’s mind had been Exy. Once he’d kissed Neil, years ago at Palmetto, and Neil and Andrew had invited Kevin into their relationship, Neil had become Kevin’s priority. Exy had always been both of their greatest loves, but for Kevin, Neil overtook it quickly. Neil was Kevin’s entire life. 

But now the sport they both lived for rose up in Kevin’s mind. And one thought suddenly occurred to him. 

Ichirou.

The doctor had a clipboard in hand, and looked patient. He didn’t notice when Kevin froze. 

What was Ichirou going to do?

He had to know what had happened - Ichirou was always watching their games, keeping track of Kevin and Neil’s progress on the court. If the cameras were still rolling for a few minutes after the final buzzer went off last night, the local sports stations had to have caught Neil’s collapse. Kevin hadn’t even thought to check the news. Neither had Andrew. Their first and only concern was for Neil, Neil, Neil. 

The doctor was saying something. Kevin’s hearing had fuzzed out for a second while the thought of Ichirou filled him with terror, but he tuned back in and recovered quickly. He couldn’t think about it right now. Neil needed him. Andrew needed him. 

“Now, we’ve determined that the massive pulmonary embolism Mr. Josten suffered is most likely due to a genetic predisposition. His lungs show signs of secondhand smoking, but the damage isn’t drastic enough to have caused a clot as large as the one we extracted,” Dr. Marsten explained. Behind him, Kevin heard Andrew let out a breath. 

It wasn’t the smoking. Kevin could feel Andrew’s relief, and it crushed his chest. 

“So it’s from his family,” Kevin said. The doctor nodded. Kevin turned to Andrew. “We have to get Stuart on the phone.”

At the doctor’s questioning look, Kevin said, “Stuart is his uncle. He lives in England, and they don’t keep in touch consistently, but Stuart is the only blood relative of Neil’s that we know of. He might be able to tell us about the family medical history.”

“If you could get in touch with him, that would be a big help,” Dr. Marsten said. “But for now, Mr. Josten seems to be recovering nicely. He wasn’t responding to the initial medicines he was given in the ambulance, but the ones we gave him in surgery worked fine. The cardiac arrest was due to the low levels of oxygen in Mr. Josten’s system, and the coma is the result of a combination of the lack of oxygen in his brain and the anesthesia he was given. But his vitals appear to be fine, and everything seems to be in mostly working order now. I expect the coma should last closer to two weeks than four.”

“Thank God,” Kevin took a deep breath in and let it out. He felt Andrew’s hand on his back, and he leaned into the touch. 

“Since this is a genetic issue, it’s likely that Mr. Josten will be at risk for PE’s for the rest of his life,” the doctor said. Before Kevin could lose himself in fear again, Dr. Marsten smiled and continued, “But he’s a healthy man. As long as he keeps up a regular exercise regimen and he takes the blood thinner medications we’ll prescribe to him, he shouldn’t suffer another attack. Recovery from a PE includes lots of leg exercises and mobility to keep the blood flowing. Some physical therapists will come in every day to move Mr. Josten’s legs and make sure he isn’t in a sustained period of inactivity.”

“Is there anything we can do?” Kevin asked, needing something to focus on so he wouldn’t think about the bad things. Like the fact that Neil was stuck with this. Even if he recovered properly, he would have to take medication for the rest of his life, and there would always be the risk of another attack hanging over their heads. Kevin didn’t want to live his life in fear every day. He didn’t want to have to worry constantly about Neil collapsing again. 

With Ichirou and Exy, there should’ve been a similar fear: Neil and Kevin had to play their best and prove their worth, or they would be executed at any minute. But they never worried about that. They never let fear be their motivator. Because they knew they were the best. They knew their worth. They played Exy because they loved it, not because they had to. 

This was different. With this, there was a real possibility of Neil dying. 

“Will he still be able to play?” Andrew asked. Kevin could tell he was trying hard to keep his tone even. 

“Most likely,” Dr. Marsten said. “As I mentioned, physical activity is a good preventor of any future clots that may form. Being consistently active will help.”

“Will it affect his playing?” Kevin asked, thinking of Ichirou again. If Neil couldn’t play as well as he used to, if he dropped below his high-ranked standings . . . the three of them had already made Court, but Neil and Kevin still had to pay their debts to the Moriyamas. 

“It shouldn’t,” the doctor shook his head. “Once Mr. Josten wakes up from his coma and recovers fully, he should be able to play again. I recommend a brief recovery period of about a week or two after he wakes up before he returns to the court, with a physical therapy regimen during that time.”

Kevin nodded. “Okay. We can do that. Anything else? Dietary restrictions, things like that?”

“Eating healthy and maintaining a balanced diet is a factor of recovery, yes.”

“Okay. Thank you, doctor.” Kevin shook the doctor’s hand again. 

“If you have any other questions, I’ll be around. And when you get Mr. Josten’s uncle on the phone, please let me know. I’d like to speak with him, if possible.”

“Of course,” Kevin said. The doctor left after checking up on Neil, and then Kevin and Andrew were alone with their thoughts. Kevin sat heavily in his chair, his eyes on Neil’s face. 

“Ichirou,” he whispered, his voice half-choked with the implications of the name. 

“I know,” Andrew said. There was a TV hanging from the wall in the top corner of the room. Andrew stared at it for a few minutes, probably debating whether or not they should turn on the news. Kevin didn’t want to see Neil collapse again. He didn’t want to know if the cameras had caught the moment he’d started coughing up blood. 

“We can’t let Ichirou - “ Kevin couldn’t finish his sentence. He leaned forward and ran his hand through Neil’s hair, wishing so badly he was awake. 

Andrew sat back down beside Kevin. He stared at Neil for a long moment before he said, fiercely, “We won’t.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil has more guests and some familiar faces pop up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is a mess i'm sorry

Wymack and Abby arrived first. 

They came into Neil’s room, surprising Kevin out of his chair later in the day. Wymack went to him immediately and hugged him so tight Kevin couldn’t breathe, but that was okay. Kevin hugged him back just as much. 

“You should’ve told me your flight got in,” Kevin said. “I would’ve come to pick you up.”

“Nonsense. We rented a car,” Abby said, kissing Kevin’s cheek. She stroked his hair and smiled. “How are you doing, honey?”

Kevin thought he’d been holding it together pretty well during the day, all things considered. He wasn’t going back on his promise to himself to be strong. Though the thought of Ichirou and what he would do when he learned the extent of Neil’s illness kept Kevin restless and too nervous to sit still, he hadn’t cried. He’d done enough of that yesterday.

But when he opened his mouth to reply to Abby that he was fine - something Neil would definitely say, were he awake - what came out of Kevin’s mouth instead of words was a sob. 

Abby put her arms around Kevin immediately, whispering soothing words in his ear and rubbing his back. Wymack stood at Kevin’s shoulder, though his eyes were on Neil now. 

“Christ,” he said. He took in a deep, shaky breath and moved over to the bed. Andrew didn’t take his eyes away from Neil - he hardly ever did - and didn’t acknowledge Wymack and Abby’s arrival. Wymack approached Neil’s bedside and just stared at him for a few seconds, his expression haunted. He looked like he wanted to reach out and touch Neil, his forehead or his hair, but his hand stopped halfway to its destination. Wymack looked at Andrew. “How long did they say?”

“Two to four weeks.”

“Jesus.” Wymack cleared his throat and looked at Kevin, who straightened up from Abby’s embrace. “Explain to me what’s wrong with him again.”

Kevin tried, with the limited knowledge he had. Abby nodded along, understanding some of it, and moved to Wymack’s side to take his hand in support. They held onto each other tightly. 

After Kevin got it all out, Andrew’s phone buzzed. He took it out of his pocket and looked at the screen, and then he looked up at Kevin with a blank stare. “Bee’s here.”

Kevin nodded. “Go see her. I’ll stay with Neil.”

Andrew hesitated, looking at Neil again when he rose from his chair. Kevin moved over to Andrew and bent down to press a kiss to his temple, and Andrew sighed. Then he left, with a nod of acknowledgement at Wymack. 

“How’s he been?” Wymack asked after Andrew was gone. Kevin shrugged. 

“You know him. He’s dealing with it in his own way.” Kevin sank into the seat Andrew had previously occupied. “But I never let him be alone.”

“Good. You two need each other right now,” Abby said with a gentle smile. “And it’s good that he called Betsy. He needs her, too.”

“We had any luck getting Stuart on the phone?” asked Wymack. Kevin shook his head. Neil’s phone was probably in his Exy bag, which was probably in Andrew’s car. Kevin hadn’t thought about going to get it to see if Neil kept his uncle’s number in his contacts. Now was probably as good a time as any, though. Kevin took out his phone and sent Andrew a text, asking him to get Neil’s phone from the car whenever he had a chance. Andrew didn’t respond, but Kevin wasn’t worried. 

Kevin sighed and leaned forward, his chin resting on the arm of Neil’s bed. He took Neil’s hand and played with his fingers, smoothing his thumb over Neil’s knuckles. Hoping for the smallest reaction. Anything. Anything that would tell Kevin that Neil was still . . . in there. 

“Hello, Neil,” Abby said softly, leaning forward to cup Neil’s cheek. “It’s Abby.” After a moment, she elbowed Wymack gently in the side. 

“And Wymack,” he said. “I’m sorry, kid. I wish we’d known - ” Wymack cut himself off and laughed without humor. “I thought we were done with your whole family mess. But your damn genetics are still causing us trouble.” He paused and then cleared his throat. “You’d better wake up soon, Josten. The court needs you. We all do.”

A lump formed in Kevin’s throat, and he swallowed thickly. Abby leaned forward and kissed Neil’s forehead. When she straightened, she fixed Kevin with an intent look. 

“When was the last time you ate something?”

“I don’t know,” Kevin said. He hadn’t thought about it, but now that Abby had brought it to his attention, Kevin’s stomach rumbled. “Before the game. I had some coffee from down the hall earlier.”

Abby clicked her tongue. “Alright. There’s a cafe downstairs somewhere?” When Kevin nodded, she patted Wymack’s hand and headed to the door. “I’ll go scrounge you up something. Any requests?”

“Sandwich and a salad?” Kevin asked. “And water. Thank you, Abby.”

She smiled at him and left with a significant glance at David. Wymack sighed and moved to take the other chair by Neil’s bedside. 

“I’m here,” he said quietly. “If you need me. Son.”

The lump in Kevin’s throat reappeared. It was rare that Wymack ever called Kevin son, yet it had happened twice in the last two days. They’d gotten a little bit closer after Kevin first told Wymack the news in college, but they would never be the picture-perfect image of father and son that they might have been, in another life. They tried, though. They did their best. Kevin was more than grateful that Wymack was here now, that he was offering comfort and support. 

“Thank you,” he said roughly. “I just - it’s hard to look at him and see all this - ” Kevin waved his hand to indicate the sensors and machines, the tubes and needles - “and think he’s gonna make it out of this okay.”

“He will,” Wymack said. “He’s a fighter, remember? There’s no way he’s gonna let this kick him down. He’s survived worse.”

Kevin hated to remember. Every time he thought of Nathan and Lola and what they’d put Neil through, every time he thought of Riko’s torture, helpless fury rose in Kevin like water from a broken dam. The guilt nearly ate him alive whenever he thought about it long enough. He always hid it from Neil whenever Kevin thought about it, but Neil was too good at reading him. He always knew, and he always did everything he could to comfort Kevin. “You know none of what happened to me was your fault,” Neil always said. “I don’t blame you, and you shouldn’t either.” He would soothe Kevin with gentle kisses and soft touches. 

“But this is different,” Kevin said shakily, gripping Neil’s hand on the bed. “This is inside him, something he can’t control and he can’t fix.”

“They said he’ll have it for the rest of his life?” Wymack asked, his tone grave. When Kevin nodded, Wymack sighed and shook his head. Kevin could see the tension in his shoulders and the lines in his face, more pronounced than they usually were. Wymack was worried. 

“I’m scared,” Kevin admitted quietly. “Of what Ichirou will do.”

Wymack looked at him sharply. “He tries to touch Neil, or you, he’s gonna have to go through me. And you know the rest of the Foxes won’t sit quietly, either. They would all put their lives on the line for Neil.” Wymack looked back at Neil and smirked just slightly. “After all these years, I’m still amazed at how he managed to do that. He changed all of them. Including you.” Wymack wouldn’t look at Kevin now, but Kevin gave him that. He was looking at the floor. “That’s what I’m amazed at the most. How he changed you, Kevin. I don’t tell you this often, but I’m proud to see how happy you are with him. And of how much you’ve grown.”

Wymack and Kevin weren’t one for emotional speeches like this with each other, and it was almost too much for Kevin. But he didn’t want to stop this. He couldn’t.

“Thanks, Dad,” he whispered, his voice choked. A hug seemed appropriate, but they both felt as though that would definitely be too much. Instead, Wymack patted Kevin’s knee. It was awkward, but it was enough.

* * *

 

It was twenty minutes later when Abby came back into the room with food, and Andrew and Bee in tow. Bee smiled at Kevin when he nodded at her. 

“Thank you for coming,” he said. 

“Of course,” she replied. She was close by Andrew’s side. Andrew looked the same as he had when he left - blank expression - but he was less tense than he had been before. He handed Neil’s phone over to Kevin without a word. 

Kevin didn’t know if Neil would have Stuart’s number. Neil never even talked about his uncle, and Kevin and Andrew never prompted him to. But Kevin opened up Neil’s contacts list and scrolled through. There weren’t that many numbers to begin with. All the original Foxes, plus Robin, Abby and Wymack, Andrew and Kevin on speed dial. Bee’s number - though Kevin knew it was probably more for Andrew’s benefit than Neil’s, in case of an emergency. Their coach’s number. But in between all of that, there was a contact with just the name S. 

That had to be it. Kevin didn’t spend any time considering the odds. He selected the contact and dialed, stepping out into the hallway to make the call. 

It rang six times before someone picked up. 

“Nathaniel?”

Kevin’s breath left him. “No. It’s Kevin Day.”

There was a silence. “Has something happened?”

“Neil is in the hospital. He suffered a pulmonary embolism. The doctors said it’s genetic,” Kevin said, holding the phone tightly against his ear. “We didn’t know.”

“Bloody hell,” Stuart said. “PE’s. Our mother - Mary’s and mine, Nathaniel’s grandmother. She passed away from that condition, before Nathaniel was born.” Stuart let out a breath. “Mary never had them, nor did I. I’m not surprised Mary never told Nathaniel.”

“He had an attack in the middle of the court,” Kevin said, once again remembering the image of Neil coughing up blood. “He’s in a coma.”

There was another silence. Then, “Does Lord Ichirou know?”

“I don’t know.” Kevin’s voice was suddenly very small and scared. 

“What are his chances?”

“The doctors said if -  _ when -  _ he wakes up, he’ll need exercise, blood thinner medications. They said he should recover and he should be able to play again. But he’ll have this for the rest of his life.” 

Stuart sighed heavily. “I know.”

* * *

 

When Kevin hung up the phone, he slumped against the wall and hung his head in his hands. He hadn’t spoken to Stuart for very long - just to give him the details of what Kevin knew. They hadn’t discussed whether or not Stuart would inform Ichirou of Neil’s condition, if he didn’t already know. The unspoken things in their conversation left fear icing over Kevin’s veins. There was no way they could keep this hidden from Ichirou, but Kevin didn’t want him anywhere near this hospital, anywhere near Neil. 

Kevin slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, Neil’s phone still in his hands. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back and tried to breathe. It was the only thing he could do. 

Five minutes later, he heard, “Kevin?” and turned his head. 

Aaron was coming down the hallway towards him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope to be able to update on a consistent schedule, at least every week. so new chapter should be posted sometime next week!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suspense!!

“How is he?” Aaron asked as he approached Kevin. Aaron looked rumpled and disheveled - Kevin guessed he’d gotten a flight here and came straight from the airport after he talked to Andrew. He must have left Katelyn at home, because he was alone. Kevin stood up from the floor and sighed, exhaustion making his body feel heavy. 

“He’s stable,” he said. 

“I meant my brother,” Aaron said. Kevin pursed his lips. 

“He’s fine. Neil’s alive,” Kevin replied. As long as Neil was alive, as long as there was still a chance of him waking up, Andrew would hold on. Aaron nodded and left it at that, pushing inside the hospital room. Kevin stayed outside for a few minutes longer, composing himself before he re-joined the others in Neil’s room. 

Andrew was looking at Aaron with slightly more than his usual blank expression. “I told you to stay at home. You didn’t need to come here.”

“Yet here I am,” Aaron shot back. “Deal with it.”

Andrew’s mouth flattened into a thin line. Kevin went to his side and pressed their arms together, and Andrew relaxed just slightly. He sighed. Kevin was grateful to Aaron for coming, even if Andrew didn’t want him here. Andrew needed his brother right now, and Bee. He needed all of them. 

Aaron said a quick hello to Wymack, Abby and Bee and looked at Neil on the bed. His expression changed just a fraction when he saw all the wires, the tubes and needles, the beeping machines. “Jesus,” he said. Kevin guessed Andrew had filled him in during their phone call, but Kevin didn’t expect the look of concern on Aaron’s face that Aaron wasn’t quick enough to hide. Aaron cleared his throat. 

“They say anything about how long?” he asked. 

“Two to four weeks,” Kevin said, his eyes finding their way back to Neil’s face. 

Aaron let out a heaving breath. “Alright. I can take off work for a few days, get a hotel.”

“You can go back home to your wife,” Andrew said stiffly. Aaron glared at his brother. He opened his mouth to say something, but Andrew cut him off. “You have never cared about Neil or what happens to him. Don’t pretend to start now.”

A pained look crossed Aaron’s face. “That’s not - ”

“Don’t lie to me,” Andrew said. Kevin took his hand and squeezed it. Andrew’s grip was crushing, though his face was a fragile mask. Kevin could tell how much he was trying to stay calm. 

“Andrew,” Aaron said, his eyebrows drawing down. “Let’s not do this here.”

“Too late. I told you not to come here.”

Since they’d graduated Palmetto, the brothers had made small, infinitesimal steps in mending their relationship with each other, with subtle prompting from Neil and Kevin on Andrew’s side and Katelyn on Aaron’s. The progress had been slow, but it was there. It was in their bi-weekly phone calls and their holiday and birthday cards sent to each other, in the way Andrew would sometimes (though very rarely) mention Aaron during casual conversations. But there were still bumps in the road. There would always be bumps in the road, as with any relationship. 

“Can we talk outside?” Aaron asked quietly, gesturing Andrew towards the door. Andrew glanced at Neil, and Kevin squeezed his hand. 

“I think that’s a good idea, Andrew,” Bee said softly from where she stood in the corner with Wymack and Abby. “Would you like me to come?”

Andrew nodded after a moment. Aaron looked unhappy, but he allowed Bee to join them in the hallway. They closed the door behind them. Kevin sat down next to Neil’s bed and took his hand again, running his thumb over Neil’s wrist to feel his pulse. It was faint, but it was there. 

“It was good of Aaron to come,” Abby said warmly. 

“I think Renee is on her way, too,” Wymack added. Kevin looked at them. He knew Wymack had told the rest of the Foxes about Neil’s condition, and he knew that meant there would be a parade of them in the hospital soon. “Probably Matt and Dan, too.”

The only reason Nicky wouldn’t come was because he was in Germany. Kevin didn’t know where Allison was, but he assumed she’d show up at some point too. Maybe even Robin. The thought of having all of them here at the same time was exhausting to Kevin, but he was glad they cared. He was glad Neil had people who loved him so much. 

“You should go home at some point, Kevin,” Wymack suggested gently. “Try and get some sleep, eat something.”

“No. I’m not leaving him.” Kevin stiffened in his chair, holding on tighter to Neil’s hand. He wasn’t leaving Neil’s side ever again.

“So you’re gonna live in the hospital until Neil wakes up?”

“I will if I have to,” Kevin said stubbornly. If he left, if he went home, and something happened to Neil while he wasn’t there . . . Kevin would never forgive himself. He would never be able to move past it. He needed to be here when Neil woke up. 

“What about practices? Games?” Wymack asked. Kevin shook his head. 

“I don’t care. I’m not playing again until Neil does.” Coming from Kevin, the words were monumental. Wymack looked a mix between annoyed, tired, and understanding. He sighed. 

“Kevin, sweetheart, the doctors here know what they’re doing. They can take care of Neil. You need to take care of yourself,” Abby said with a gentle smile. “Andrew, too. If it helps, we can take shifts. David and I will stay here as long as you need us to.”

“I can’t ask that of you,” Kevin said. 

“You don’t have to.” Wymack joined his son by Neil’s bedside. “I know how much he means to you. We won’t let anything happen to him, Kevin. We want him to wake up as much as you do.” Wymack looked at Neil, and Kevin studied his father’s face. With his eyes on Neil, Wymack looked older than his age, as if seeing Neil like this sucked all the life out of him. His shoulders were heavy, and there was a look in his eyes that Kevin felt mirrored in his own. 

Andrew, Aaron and Bee came back into the room all at once. Andrew went immediately to Kevin’s side and sat down next to him, stretching his legs out in front of him. His thigh pressed against Kevin’s. Kevin felt better with him there. 

Andrew looked calmer, Bee was smiling, and Aaron was only slightly tense. It was something.

“Wymack thinks we should go home,” Kevin said to Andrew.

Andrew looked at Neil for a long moment before he nodded. “Probably.”

“We’ll stay here,” Abby said. “David and I will take shifts.”

“So will I,” Betsy offered. “We’ll call you with updates. I think it’s best for you two to get as much sleep as you can, eat a good meal. Neil will still be here when you get back.”

Kevin waited. Andrew stood up first, after a few minutes. He grabbed their Exy bags from the floor. Kevin stood up after him, ignoring the tight pull in his chest that begged him to stay by Neil’s side. 

Andrew hesitated by the bed. He brushed a hand through Neil’s hair, and then he bent forward and pressed a kiss to Neil’s forehead, closing his eyes. Aaron watched him. Andrew didn’t look at anyone when he straightened his back and left the room. 

Kevin leaned forward and kissed Neil’s cheek, squeezing his hand. “I’ll see you later, baby, okay? We’re coming back. I promise.”

Leaving the room was the most painful thing he’d ever had to do. 

He said “Thank you” to his family as he left, and he followed Andrew out, down the hallway, away from Neil. 

The car ride home was quiet. The sky was dark with evening, and it was only then that Kevin registered a sense of time. They’d spent a night and a day in the hospital, but it seemed like so much longer. 

Andrew reached over and took Kevin’s hand as he drove. Kevin closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the headrest, finally letting the full weight of his exhaustion cover him. His stomach rumbled. Now that he was paying attention, he was noticing his body’s needs that he’d been ignoring in his concern for Neil. 

“Dinner?” Kevin asked quietly. “We can stop somewhere? I don’t think we have anything at home.” They hadn’t been grocery shopping in a while. Kevin vividly remembered the last time. Kevin had put one too many healthy things in their cart, and Neil had tried to act sneaky, taking out the vegetables and replacing them with Andrew’s favorite chocolate cereal and bags of chips. He’d put on an innocent face when Kevin frowned at him.

Andrew silently pulled into the next drive-thru they passed. Kevin got the healthiest thing he could find on the menu, and Andrew got a milkshake with his meal. They ate as they drove, and by the time they reached their apartment, the food was mostly gone. 

Kevin took out his keys, fumbling with them at the front door of the building. They shouldered their Exy bags and climbed up the three flights of stairs to their floor. 

The door to their apartment was open. 

Kevin and Andrew froze. 

They looked at each other. Everything in Andrew’s posture and his facial expression was tense, angry, on edge. Kevin’s heart beat too fast in his chest. 

Andrew didn’t have his knives anymore. He’d given them to Robin a long time ago. 

And yet he moved before Kevin, stepping quietly towards the apartment. Kevin wanted to hold him back, to go before him, at the same time he wanted to turn and run away. He knew, with a sudden, chilling certainty, who was waiting for them in their apartment. It could only be one person. 

When Andrew and Kevin stepped slowly inside, Ichirou Moriyama was waiting for them in their living room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGERRRR. idk how this chapter is??? i wanted to make some progress and i was feelin the mode today so i kinda just got this out real quick in between my classes, but i'm listening to music and i didn't really read over it after i wrote it so idk. does it even make sense let me know


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *breathes in* *breathes out* *screams* i hate chapter fics i hate chapter fics i hate chapter fics this is why i never write them because i never finish them and i always end up abandoning them if they're not written all at once. i probably should have finished this completely before posting the chapters because i'm just writing them as i go and i have no set schedule so i'm really slipping here and i don't want to write this anymore lol BUT i promise i will finish eventually it will just take a very long time

Kevin’s first instinct was to bow, and he had to fight hard to resist it. He was no longer afraid of the Moriyamas. He wasn’t afraid of Ichirou. He might have been, once. But life with Neil and Andrew by his side had given him strength he didn’t know he had. So Kevin wouldn’t bow. He may have still belonged to the Moriyamas, but he was his own person. He had earned that right a long time ago. 

So he stood his full height and said, as calmly as he could, “Lord Ichirou.”

Andrew said nothing. 

Ichirou was sitting in the loveseat in their living room, his posture casual, as if he belonged there. It made Kevin angry to see Ichirou in the place Neil had last sat before they’d left for their game the day before. He clenched his hands into fists. 

“I was watching the game,” Ichirou said, his face betraying nothing. 

“Then you saw what happened,” Kevin said.

“Yes. And I am waiting for an explanation.”

“We’ve been at the hospital with him,” Kevin explained, fighting to keep his voice at a respectable level. “It was a surprise to all of us, Lord. It’s a genetic issue, from his mother’s side. It’s not his fault.” Kevin looked Ichirou dead in the eye and didn’t flinch, didn’t shy away. 

“You will tell me everything you know,” Ichirou said. “Now.”

He sat there on their loveseat as Kevin explained everything to him, and the whole time, Kevin and Andrew stood in the doorway as if they were guests in their own home. Kevin knew Andrew wanted to hit something, so he stayed as close to him as he could, silently willing Andrew not to make a move. 

When Kevin was done speaking, Ichirou was silent for a too-long moment. His face betrayed nothing as he stared at Kevin and Andrew. 

“I will be interested to know why Stuart neglected to tell me of this genetic issue afflicting the Hatfords,” he finally said, rising from the chair. Kevin tensed. If Ichirou hurt Stuart, Neil would never forgive himself. It wasn’t Stuart’s fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. 

Ichirou moved closer to Kevin and Andrew until he was standing right in front of them. He appraised Andrew calmly, noting his tense posture and his stony expression. Kevin waited, breath held. 

“You said Nathaniel would be in a coma for 2-4 weeks,” Ichirou said. 

“Yes, Lord,” Kevin replied, his face tightening. 

There was a terrible, terrible silence for a minute.

Then, Ichirou said, “If, at the end of the four weeks, Nathaniel has not woken up, I will be the one to decide to pull the plug.”

Andrew almost lunged for him. Kevin’s throat closed up, and he gripped Andrew’s hand so tightly he heard bones crack. Ichirou was unaffected by their grief and their anger. “If Nathaniel does wake up before then, he will be expected to be back on his feet and back on the court as soon as possible. If he does not return to his full potential as a player, there will be consequences.”

Kevin’s voice was so quiet when he said, “Yes, Lord.” 

There was a red haze in Andrew’s vision. 

Ichirou raised an eyebrow and moved past them, to the door. 

“I will expect updates,” he said. And then he was gone. 

Kevin collapsed as soon as the door closed behind Ichirou. Andrew caught him, holding him up, his breathing unsteady as Kevin shook in his arms. His hands were tight fists in the fabric of Kevin’s jacket. He closed his eyes and tried to bring his heart rate back to normal. He couldn’t think about what would happen if Neil didn’t wake up. He couldn’t think about what would happen if Neil woke up and couldn’t play again. He couldn’t think about anything that had just happened when Kevin needed him. 

“He’ll wake up,” Andrew said gruffly, face buried in Kevin’s neck. Kevin’s arms were tight around him. “He’ll play again.”

Kevin sobbed quietly, and Andrew held him until his tears were dry. 

They didn’t sleep that much. Kevin slept fitfully, as close to Andrew as Andrew would allow, while Andrew laid awake and stared at the ceiling. When it was morning again, Kevin was up and ready to go back to the hospital before they’d even eaten breakfast. 

When they got there, more guests had arrived. Renee had showed up with Dan and Matt. Kevin was glad to see Renee - Andrew needed her now, her and Bee. Andrew immediately went to Renee when he saw her outside Neil’s room, and she pulled him aside for a quiet conversation. Dan and Matt hugged Kevin, looking tired and haggard. 

“We got the first flight out as soon as we could,” Matt said. 

“How is he?” Dan asked, worry etched onto her face. She rubbed a hand over her stomach, and Kevin suddenly remembered that she was pregnant. To have flown all the way out here for Neil when she was five months along meant more to Kevin than he could say. 

“He’s stable,” Kevin managed to get the words out. He wondered if he should tell anyone about Ichirou’s visit. Even if he did, there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it. No one could stand against him, and Kevin wouldn’t have anyone else getting hurt. Keeping it to himself was the best thing, for now. 

Neil would just have to wake up soon. 

“We’re here for you,” Matt said with a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “Whatever you guys need.”

“Thank you,” Kevin said, inching towards Neil’s door. He just needed to see him. He needed to see Neil’s face. 

Wymack was the only one in the room, sleeping in a chair beside Neil’s bed. Kevin’s eyes ran over Neil, drinking in every inch of him. He looked exactly the same as he had when they’d left him. His heart monitor was steady. He hadn’t moved. His eyes were still closed. 

“No,” Dan said quietly when she entered the room behind Kevin. “Oh God.  _ Neil _ .”

Matt looked haunted. He took Dan’s hand and looked back at Kevin. “What’s wrong with him, exactly?”

“It’s a genetic thing,” Kevin repeated the words he’d already repeated what felt like a hundred times. “From his mom’s side. We didn’t know. It just happened - we were on the court and he - he started coughing up blood.”

“Jesus,” Matt said. “God, I’m so sorry.”

“He’ll wake up,” Kevin said quietly, his eyes returning to Neil. “He has to.” That was going to be Kevin’s mantra until it came true. It was the only thing that would keep him going. 

He went to Neil’s bedside and bent over him, brushing his curls back from his forehead. “Morning, baby,” Kevin whispered in his ear. “I’m back. Andrew’s outside, too, okay? We’re both here.” He kissed Neil’s forehead, and then his cheek, and squeezed his hand, hoping against hope for some sort of response. There was none. 

Kevin sank into the chair beside his father, and Wymack woke up, his neck cracking when he straightened in his chair. He cursed, putting a hand on the back of his neck. “Shit. Fell asleep.”

“It’s okay,” Kevin said. “Where’s Abby?”

“She and Bee got a hotel. So did Aaron. They’ll be back in the afternoon.”

Kevin nodded, watching the steady beep of Neil’s heart monitor. Dan and Matt hovered by the bed. Dan’s eyes watered, but she tried to smile. 

“Hi, Neil,” she said quietly. “It’s - it’s really good to see you.”

“I wish it wasn’t like this,” Matt added, his voice just as soft as hers. “But it’s still really good to see you. It’s been a while.”

It had been a while. The former Foxes tried to have reunions whenever they could, but their schedules rarely ever lined up at the same time, and their lives pulled them in different directions. Phone calls and check-ins were more common than meet-ups. Neil was always so happy when Dan and Matt called. He could stay on the phone with them for an hour or more. 

Kevin cleared his throat. He realized what it must have taken for Dan and Matt to come here, and he would never be able to tell them how grateful he was for what they meant to Neil. 

“Thank you,” he said again. “For coming here. You didn’t have to.”

“Of course we did,” Dan said adamantly. “He’s family.”

Kevin took in a shuddering breath and nodded, looking back at Neil again. Wymack patted his arm and stood up, stretching his back. 

“I’m gonna go see about some coffee. You want anything?”

“Whatever you’re having,” Kevin said. “Thanks.” He took Wymack’s vacant chair when he stood up, since it was the closer one to Neil. Kevin moved it as close to the bed as he could and took Neil’s hand again, leaning his head down. He kissed the back of Neil’s hand. Being next to him again was enough to make his chest feel lighter. He had felt weighed down since he and Andrew had come home to find Ichirou in their apartment, but being by Neil’s side again helped ease some of that weight from Kevin’s shoulders. He sighed, his breath ghosting over Neil’s skin.

Andrew and Renee came in a few minutes later, side by side. Renee looked calm, though Kevin could see the lines on her face that meant she was worried about Neil. She gave Kevin a soft smile, which he returned. She stuck close to Andrew’s side, and Andrew leaned towards her, his eyes on Neil. He took the seat beside Kevin. 

The first day was the hardest. It felt like nothing but waiting. There was a steady rotation of people in and out of Neil’s room all day: doctors, the Foxes, Wymack, Abby and Bee. Kevin and Andrew were a constant, never leaving. When Aaron arrived, he stood by his brother and didn’t say anything, just offered silent support. Kevin saw Andrew’s jaw clench when Aaron stood a few feet away from his chair, but no one said anything about it. 

They all watched Neil, waiting for any signs that he might wake up. They all asked questions to the doctors, who repeated all the same answers. A routine settled among them that would follow them into the next week, and the week after that. Shifts were decided on who would stay with Neil at what time. Kevin, Andrew, and Neil’s coach returned to the hospital and asked when they were going to come back to practice. Andrew just stared at her, and Kevin said he wasn’t stepping back on the court until Neil did, too. It was the most surprising thing any of the former Foxes had ever heard him say. Kevin willingly taking time away from the court was unheard of. 

But maybe not so unheard of, after all. Not when there was Neil. 

Kevin worried that Ichirou might return and demand that he return to the court. But there were no phone calls, and no more unexpected visits, except for when Kevin gave Ichirou the updates he’d demanded. Not that there were any updates to give. Neil’s condition didn’t change. 

The days turned into weeks, and Kevin went through life in a daze. All he could focus on was Neil. All he cared about was Neil. He didn’t keep track of time or much of anything else. Neil was the only thing in his world, and Andrew was there on the edge, keeping him tethered to the ground.

“He’ll wake up,” Kevin repeated to himself every morning and every night. He repeated it to Andrew when Andrew looked like he needed reassuring. “He’ll wake up.”

Two to four weeks, the doctors had said. The first two weeks were the longest of Kevin’s life. 

The second week melted into a third. 

Kevin remembered what Ichirou had said. When the time came, Ichirou would make the decision. Ichirou would be the one to decide whether or not they kept Neil on life support. 

Neil had to wake up. He had to. There was no other option. If Ichirou pulled the plug on him, he would be pulling the plug on Kevin, and on Andrew. 

“Wake up,” Kevin whispered desperately when he and Andrew were alone with Neil. 

Andrew had no words anymore, not for anyone besides Kevin or Bee. He wasn’t going to last much longer without Neil there to balance him. 

Neil had to wake up. 

Kevin didn’t know how to say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't like this fic anymore i don't even know what this chapter was or if it falls in line with the rest of the fic but if ur still reading kudos to u and i would give u my organs. also pls be patient because i do really want to finish this fic i just have no idea when that will be


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EMOTIONS WHAT ELSE IS NEW

On the third day of the third week of Neil’s coma, he moved. 

It was a small thing. Kevin wouldn’t have noticed it if he hadn’t been holding Neil’s hand. He was half-asleep when it happened, but when he felt that little tiny movement, that whisper of a motion, Kevin jolted awake, which made Andrew instantly wake up beside him. 

“ _ He moved, _ ” Kevin whispered, too afraid to hope, too hopeful to breathe. “Andrew, he - he  _ moved.  _ I just felt it. His finger twitched.”

Andrew stared at Neil hard, his eyes drilling holes into Neil’s face that might have burned if Neil were awake, as if he were willing Neil to move again just by his thoughts. Kevin leaned forward, his breath caught in his chest, hand tightening in Neil’s. 

“Neil,” he said, squeezing his hand again. “Can you hear me, baby?” He used his other hand to tuck Neil’s hair behind his ear, fingers stroking the scar on Neil’s face. Neil’s eyes stayed closed. They didn’t flutter. Kevin stared at Neil’s hand, wondering if he’d imagined the movement. He wouldn’t be surprised. He’d dreamt of it so many times in the past two weeks - of Neil waking up, smiling at him, speaking to him again. He wanted to sleep in the same bed as Neil again. Wanted to touch him, so badly. Kevin wanted to wake up next to him and hear him say, “Morning,” in his raspy, just-woke-up voice. He wanted to press a kiss to Neil’s lips and feel him smile against his mouth. Kevin missed  _ everything  _ about Neil. Everything. If he was hallucinating now, Kevin wouldn’t blame himself. 

“You felt it?” Andrew asked, his voice quiet, eyes on Neil. It was dark and dim in the room; it was the middle of the night, and the hospital was quiet. The Foxes had gone to their respective hotels to get some rest, after fruitless attempts to get Kevin and Andrew to go home. 

“I swear,” Kevin said, picking up Neil’s hand. He brushed his finger over the knuckle of Neil’s thumb. “It was his thumb. It moved. I swear to God.”

Kevin heard Andrew’s breath leave him. Andrew stood up from his chair and moved to the other side of Neil’s bed. He reached his hand down, fisting it in Neil’s hair. Kevin watched him tug at it lightly. 

“Wake up,” Andrew said. His voice was normal, but Kevin could hear the barely restrained emotion in it. 

Andrew’s eyes were shadowed, bags under them from two weeks of sleepless nights. He hadn’t shaved in a while. He looked exhausted, and halfway to giving up. Kevin was sure he looked the same way. He  _ felt  _ the same way. It had been three weeks of stagnancy, of no changes, of the same routine over and over again, and they were getting closer to the deadline. If Neil wasn’t woken up in a week, Ichirou would end it. Kevin hadn’t been sleeping much. He spent hours, days, trying to come up with a way to convince Ichirou to keep Neil alive. Every time that Ichirou called him, every time Kevin thought he saw a familiar black car outside the hospital, his desperation skyrocketed. He clung to Andrew, but Andrew was barely holding himself together as it was. 

“Wake up,” Andrew said again, tugging Neil’s hair harder. Kevin winced. 

“Don’t hurt him,” he said. 

“He can’t even fucking feel it,” Andrew growled, releasing his grip on Neil’s hair. He backed away from the bed, shaking his head. Andrew turned his back on Neil and Kevin and took a deep breath, shoulders hunched, fists clenched. 

Kevin watched him for a moment, letting Andrew breathe. Then he let go of Neil’s hand and stood up. Andrew tensed when he heard Kevin’s footsteps, and he tensed even more when Kevin wrapped his arms around Andrew’s waist from behind, but he relaxed when Kevin put his chin on Andrew’s shoulder. 

“He’s gonna wake up,” Kevin whispered, his breath against Andrew’s neck. Andrew’s fingers wrapped tightly around Kevin’s wrist where it circled Andrew’s waist. 

“Is he?” Andrew said, so quiet that Kevin almost didn’t hear him, even with how close they stood. 

Kevin’s heart stopped. “Don’t say that. He is. He  _ is.  _ Neil will wake up. Soon. I promise.”

“You know I don’t like it when people make promises they can’t keep,” Andrew said, the words coming out through his teeth. 

Kevin said it again. “ _ I promise.  _ Neil will wake up, Andrew. He has to.”

“Your obsession with him makes you stupid,” Andrew said, shaking in Kevin’s arms now. Kevin let go of him, and Andrew turned to face him, fire in his eyes, unimaginable grief buried in anger on his face. “He might not wake up. It’s time to stop deluding yourself into thinking he will.”

Everything in Kevin stilled. 

They had fought before, of course. All people in relationships do. Kevin and Andrew fought most often, sometimes Kevin fought with Neil, and sometimes Neil fought with Andrew. Sometimes the three of them argued all at once. But it was always something they could get over, always something they could smooth with apologies and kisses. But Andrew had never looked at Kevin like he was looking at him now, except for one time. The time Neil went missing in college. When his father’s people took him to Baltimore. 

Kevin’s heart felt torn open, bleeding and raw. 

Very, very quietly, he said, “It’s not an obsession.” He looked Andrew in the eye, refusing to cower or run away. “I  _ love  _ him, Andrew. God, I love him so fucking much. And I know you do too. I know that’s why you’re like this right now. You don’t want to lose him. You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I know that there’s a chance he might not wake up? I  _ know  _ that, Andrew. It fucking terrifies me. I can’t lose him.”

“ _ I can’t, either. _ ” Andrew’s voice was raw and ragged, and it was different than Kevin had ever heard it before. For a moment, Kevin stood there with the shock of it. Andrew’s breathing was unsteady, his chest rattling. He looked away from Kevin and scraped his hand over his mouth. “God, I need a fucking cigarette.”

He left the room. Kevin didn’t follow him. 

He stood there for a few more seconds in the dark room before he moved back to Neil’s bedside and took his hand again. 

When the nurse came in the next morning to give Neil his daily sponge bath and help him with his mobility exercises, Andrew still hadn’t returned. 

She noticed his absence - he and Kevin were on a first-name basis with Neil’s rotation of nurses and doctors by now - but she didn’t comment on it. She came in with her little cart of supplies and a cheery smile for Kevin. 

“Morning, sweetheart,” she said. “How are we doing today?”

“He moved last night,” Kevin blurted out. He’d been up all night, waiting for another movement, but none had come. Kevin had decided he didn’t hallucinate it earlier. It had to be real. Neil had moved. He’d felt it. 

The nurse’s eyes widened. “Did he? That’s wonderful! Why didn’t you ring for someone?”

“I thought I imagined it, at first.” Kevin lined his fingers up with Neil’s, pressing their palms together. 

“Oh, honey.” The nurse put a hand to her chest, her face sympathetic. “I’m sure you didn’t. This is great news. I’ll tell the doctor, hm? See what he has to say.”

She started humming to herself as she began to move Neil’s legs and arms in his daily exercises. It was to help him maintain muscle movement, so he wouldn’t atrophy while he was lying in bed, and so it would be easier for him to move on his own when he woke up. Kevin had memorized the exercises by now. He knew how to do them himself. 

When the nurse finished the cycle and reached for the sponge and bucket of water to bathe Neil with, Kevin stopped her. 

“Do you mind if I do it?” he asked, not looking at her but at the sponge in her hand. 

He knew it wasn’t really allowed. But he felt so useless, just sitting here, not being able to do anything while he watched the nurses take care of Neil. He wanted to be the one taking care of Neil, always. Forever. 

“Honey . . .” the nurse said hesitantly. Kevin wouldn’t meet her eyes. He thought if he looked pitiful enough, she might let him do it. 

The nurse looked towards the hospital room door and bit her lip. She sighed. “Be quick about it, sweetheart. Why don’t I just . . . go see if any other patients need me?”

“Thank you,” Kevin whispered, taking the sponge from her. The nurse nodded, a soft smile on her face, her eyes sad. 

Kevin took the sponge and the bucket of water and stood over Neil’s bed. He’d watched the nurse do this a hundred times by now. He knew exactly how to handle Neil, how to move his body so his wires and machines wouldn’t be disturbed. 

Kevin put the sponge in the bucket. As gently as he could, he bent down and lifted Neil’s shoulders so he was half-sitting up in bed. His body was pliant and easily moveable, like a puppet with no strings to hold him up. Like a dead thing. His head lolled against Kevin’s shoulder and his arms hung at his sides. For a moment, Kevin just held him, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face in Neil’s hair. It had been weeks since he’d held Neil this close. Kevin’s throat closed up. 

He tried to breathe out as he slowly pushed Neil’s hospital gown to his waist, exposing his scarred front. Kevin sniffled and blinked the wetness from his eyes. 

“It’s me, baby,” he said softly, fingers trailing gently over Neil’s shoulder. He reached down to get the sponge from the bucket and brought it to Neil’s skin, dragging it over his stomach, his arms and underarms, his chest and neck. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m doing this. I just needed to . . . I needed to hold you. To feel like I was taking care of you.”

Kevin talked to Neil softly as he methodically bathed his upper half, making sure to do it exactly the way the nurse always did it, except with a bit more gentleness and tenderness. Kevin told him about the Foxes that had come to visit him, about Aaron staying for Andrew. He told him about their teammates that had sent cards and flowers to the hospital (Andrew wanted to throw everything away immediately, but Kevin knew they meant well, and he appreciated the gesture). He told Neil about the apartment Andrew and Kevin only sometimes went back to now. 

“It’s so quiet without you,” Kevin whispered as he gently laid Neil back on the bed, replacing his hospital gown. “It feels so empty. I really, really hope you can come home with us soon. I miss you, baby. So much.”

Kevin bathed Neil’s lower half, his legs and feet and underneath his hospital gown. It was all formal, his touches quicker and not as personal as they would’ve been if Neil were awake. Even still, Kevin was sucked into memories of the last time he and Neil had been close like this. 

Andrew was asleep already - the three of them had spent the evening fooling around in bed, and afterwards, Andrew went into the bathroom to clean himself up. He’d come out after five minutes and told Kevin and Neil it was all theirs. Neil had tugged Kevin into the bathroom by the hand and said, “Let’s take a bath.”

They had a nice, big tub, one with special jets and enough room for all three of them to fit when they wanted. Kevin had filled it with warm water and scented soap, and bubbles had formed until the bath was full. Kevin climbed in first, leaning his back against the wall, and Neil climbed in after and settled himself against Kevin’s chest, leaning against him with a contented sigh. Kevin’s arms had wound around him, hands trailing over Neil’s chest, spreading warm water and a soapy trail in the path of his hands. Neil had leaned his head back with a soft, pretty moan when Kevin bit his shoulder and sucked on his neck. 

“Let me wash you,” Kevin whispered low in Neil’s ear, pressing a kiss to his jaw. Neil nodded and whispered breathlessly, “ _ Yes. _ ”

It had been less than a week before the game when Neil collapsed. Kevin remembered it vividly. 

They’d been so happy. So warm. He never felt as good as he did when he was taking care of Neil. 

Kevin hadn’t noticed that Andrew had come back into the room. He was just finishing washing Neil’s legs, and he’d put the sponge back in the bucket when Andrew made a noise to signal his presence. Kevin only jumped a little. His eyes were wet and his throat hurt. He tried to clear it, but it didn’t work very well. 

“Hey,” he said, sniffling again. “The nurse let me - she left. Told me to make it quick. I just wanted to  . . . .” Kevin looked back at Neil, who hadn’t moved or done anything to signal that he was awake, that he knew it was Kevin touching him, bathing him, taking care of him. 

Andrew took one of the small towels from the cart the nurse had left and used it to gently dry Neil off. He tossed the towel aside when he was done and pressed his thumb to the burn scar on Neil’s cheek, sighing. 

“I’m sorry about last night,” Kevin said quietly. And he was. Immensely sorry. He hated fighting with Andrew, especially now, when they needed each other the most. 

“Yeah,” Andrew said, eyes never leaving Neil’s face as he sat down. When Kevin sat down beside him, Andrew reached for his hand. “Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoever is still reading i love you thanks bye
> 
> p.s i think it's finally almost done!!! i hope to finish this fic in like.....2 or 3 chapters so get ready for the end


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOME STRETCH HERE WE GO

On the beginning of the fourth week of Neil’s coma, Ichirou paid another visit to Kevin and Andrew. 

Neither of them had been sleeping. They knew the deadline was looming, and it made them both helpless, terrified,  _ furious  _ at Ichirou for putting this on them when there was nothing they could do about it. This wasn’t Neil’s fault. They couldn’t control this. For Ichirou to decide the fate of Neil’s life, even if there was still a chance he might wake up, was callous. Cruel beyond measure. It made Andrew see red and it made Kevin wish he’d stood up to the Moriyamas sooner, made him wish he’d never been afraid of them so he could take them all down with his bare hands. They wouldn’t lay a finger on Neil. Kevin didn’t care what happened to himself now, but if they touched Neil, Ichirou and every single one of his men would never recover from it. Kevin didn’t know how he would take them down, only that he would. If Ichirou’s intent was to end Neil’s life, Kevin would end his. 

Maybe these last few weeks had been driving him crazy, and he’d finally hit an edge. 

Everyone around him could tell that Kevin was losing his grip. It was getting harder and harder to hold on as the days went by, as time continued to pass and Neil didn’t move again. Kevin was so  _ sure  _ he’d felt Neil twitch before. He refused to believe it wasn’t real.

But there had been no sign of movement from him since then. The nurses and doctors only believed him because of the small spike of activity on Neil’s charts, but even with that evidence, Wymack, Abby, and the others still seemed hesitant to get their hopes up. Kevin could tell some of them had already started to say goodbye. Matt and Dan had finally gone back home a day earlier, after teary goodbyes in Neil’s hospital room. Kevin had walked out. He couldn’t take it. 

Nicky had been sending text messages, Allison had been calling off and on, and Robin had been reaching out to Andrew almost every day. Renee and Aaron were still hanging around, clearing their schedules so they could be there for the one who needed them the most. 

Wymack was starting to grate on Kevin. Wymack had . . .  _ processed  _ it. At some point, behind Kevin’s back, he’d mourned. He’d moved on. And now Wymack was talking about what he was gently calling “a backup plan,” which was unsubtle code for the unthinkable option: what happened if Neil didn’t wake up?

Kevin had struggled to tell his family about Ichirou’s decision. It had taken him a few days to get the words out, but with Andrew at his side, he’d eventually delivered the solemn news. No one was happy. But no one could do anything about it. And now that the fourth week had dawned, now that the time for Ichirou’s decision was coming closer, they were all starting to grieve properly. To talk about . . . about  _ funeral arrangements.  _ Kevin left the room whenever he heard the F-word. He couldn’t believe they had all given up so easily - Wymack, Abby, Aaron, even Bee. The only one who still seemed to have faith was Renee, but that was inevitable. Kevin couldn’t be around the others anymore. He would start to hate them too much. 

Any time anyone even mentioned the word ‘funeral’ around Andrew, he broke something. 

Kevin didn’t know where Andrew’s control was coming from, and it was starting to scare him how blank Andrew had become in the last week. He looked like he’d shut down. Like he was empty. Done. Void. Kevin didn’t know how to bring him back from that. He thought only Neil could bring him back. 

Last week, Aaron had brought them sleeping bags so they could stop going home. They never had to leave Neil’s room now, and they didn’t. Not if they could help it. 

This time, since they weren’t home, Ichirou showed up at the hospital. 

He had two bodyguards with him, and they stood in the doorway, taking up all the space, imposing black shadows in the entrance. It was mid-afternoon. Kevin was reading a book to Neil while Andrew sat beside him, eyes (always, ever, only) on Neil’s face. No one else was in the room with them - Kevin had sent everyone home in an outburst of anger when they’d started discussing ‘arrangements’ again. Did they not know how it tore his heart apart to hear that? Could they not see how it made him want to scream? How it made him want to reach for a bottle of alcohol, something he hadn’t done since he and Andrew and Neil had moved in together?

There were so many times over the last few weeks when Kevin had wanted to drink. They didn’t keep alcohol in their apartment anymore, but the liquor store was only a short drive away, and nothing was stopping Kevin from getting in the car and going. Nothing except Andrew. Every time Andrew sensed him slipping, he would grab Kevin’s wrist and hold on tight until he felt bones crack. Kevin breathed. In and out. He was stronger now. Neil had made him strong. He wouldn’t drink again. If he did, and Neil woke up, he would never forgive himself. And the look on Neil’s face, the disappointment, would kill him. He wouldn’t survive it. 

So he didn’t drink. He just stayed awake and downed lots of coffee. 

Ichirou walked into the room. His bodyguards closed the door behind them and locked it. 

Andrew stood up, and Kevin followed. 

Ichirou stared at Neil on the bed. This was his first sight of him since he’d been admitted into the hospital, and Kevin waited, breath held, for his reaction. Neil’s face was clean-shaven, thanks to the nurses who came in every morning to take care of him (though Kevin and Andrew had sort of taken over their jobs, washing and cleaning Neil in their stead). Neil’s body was motionless, as always, his machines quietly whirring and beeping. His chest rose and fell infinitesimally. Sometimes Kevin watched Neil obsessively to make sure he was still breathing because he couldn’t see the movement of Neil’s chest, it was so small. Sometimes he had nightmares of Neil’s heart monitor flatlining in the middle of the night. 

Ichirou hummed, walking closer to Neil’s bedside. He reached out a hand. Kevin grabbed Andrew to keep him from moving forward to stop Ichirou. The bodyguards put their hands on their guns. 

Ichirou didn’t flinch or falter. He put a hand in Neil’s hair. Kevin wanted to throw up. He could hear Andrew breathing beside him. 

“He has until the end of the week,” Ichirou said softly. 

Kevin broke. 

“You can’t fucking  _ do this - “ _ He surged forward desperately, but Andrew caught him, restraining him. “Don’t you fucking understand that it’s  _ not his fault?  _ No one can control it. No one can do a damn thing about it. Don’t punish him for something he can’t help. Don’t punish  _ us. _ ”

The bodyguards stepped forward, but Ichirou held out a hand to stop them. He looked up at Kevin, his face cold and blank and unforgiving. 

Kevin wasn’t afraid. He’d gotten past that point a long time ago. 

He just wanted Neil back. 

After a tense, too-silent moment, Ichirou said, “If you ever speak out of line like that again, I will kill you and everyone you love.” He took a breath and raised his chin, eyes glinting. “Just this once, I will blame your outburst on your grief, and I will not punish you. But next time, I will not be so understanding.”

Kevin wanted to hit him. 

He knew Ichirou could see it on his face. 

He didn’t care. 

Kevin grit his teeth, his hands shaking fists, his blood hot, his body buzzing. None of this was fair. None of this was right. 

In the heavy silence of the room, punctuated only by Neil’s machines, there was a sigh. 

Slowly, everyone turned their heads. 

The sigh had come from Neil. 

Andrew’s arms tightened around Kevin. Kevin’s heart stopped. Ichirou’s face didn’t change, but his posture did, just slightly, just by an inch. They all stared at Neil. 

Kevin’s eyes burned. They’d been open for so long, waiting for something like this. 

Neil’s finger twitched. 

Then his hand. 

Andrew dropped his arms. Kevin fell to his knees beside Neil’s bed. He took Neil’s hand - his own hand was shaking, but he held on. 

Neil squeezed back. 

A sob left Kevin’s chest that tore him open on the way out. “ _ Neil, _ ” he whispered. His throat closed up. His eyes blurred. His mind swam, hazy with so many things he couldn’t name right now. His heart was in his throat. 

Neil’s

eyes

opened.

Andrew made a sound like a prayer that Kevin would remember for the rest of his life. Kevin cried, bowing his head.  _ Relief,  _ swarming, overwhelming, overpowering relief swept through him, rendering him speechless. 

Neil’s hand moved slowly to the top of his head, fingers curling in Kevin’s hair. 

“Hey,” he said. His voice was so raspy and rough from disuse, but it was  _ his, _ it was  _ Neil’s,  _ he was  _ alive -  _ “What happened?”

And Kevin was laughing. 

It was hysterical laughter, crazy laughter borne from the swell of too many emotions taking over him at once, and when he lifted his head, Neil was smiling a little bit concernedly at him, hand still in his hair. He stroked Kevin’s face, and  _ God, how that felt - _

Kevin kissed him. 

In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea - he’d just woken up, and Kevin didn’t want to do anything to upset him or mess up his progress, but he couldn’t help it, he was kissing Neil, murmuring, “I fucking love you so much,” and Neil was kissing him back, quietly laughing against his lips. 

“Is this real?” Kevin asked when he pulled back, only just enough to speak; his nose still brushed Neil’s, his hands still cradled his face. “Are you real? You’re really awake?”

“I feel awake,” Neil said, stretching his arms. 

“Can you move?” Kevin asked, throwing Neil’s blankets aside. Neil tried to move his legs and succeeded, with only a slight wince. He wiggled his toes. He bent his knees. He sat up in bed a little, and then pulled aside his hospital gown to inspect the bandages that were on his still-healing wounds from the surgery he’d had. He didn’t seem too bothered by them; he’d suffered much worse, after all. He just seemed curious. 

But explanations could wait, because then Andrew was there on his other side, staring down at Neil as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Neil smiled at him, bright as the morning sun, and reached out a hand. 

“Hi, babe,” he rasped out. 

Andrew made that sound again. He choked on his words. He bent forward and leaned his forehead against Neil’s and closed his eyes. Neil kissed the side of his mouth softly, and Andrew held onto his hand, so tightly that Kevin could see his veins pop. 

“Don’t,” Andrew whispered. “Don’t you ever fucking scare me like that again.”

Kevin moved in again, unable to resist being close to Neil, drinking him in, savoring every last inch of him. He couldn’t stop crying. He felt floaty and high, almost. His chest was light. He couldn’t get a proper breath. He kissed Neil’s face and whispered in his ear, “We almost lost you,” and “God, I love you so much, Neil,” and “I missed you so fucking much.”

Neil kept smiling and laughing as they tickled and kissed him. He still didn’t seem to have a full grasp on what was happening or why he was there - Kevin didn’t think he remembered what happened at the game - but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was that he was alive. He was  _ awake _ . 

Kevin wondered when the doctors would figure it out and come in. He wasn’t going to call them. He wanted as much time with Neil as he could get before everyone swarmed the room. 

When Kevin looked up at the door, he realized he’d forgotten about Ichirou. 

But Ichirou was gone. 

All Kevin did was smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come on now y'all knew he was gonna wake up
> 
> anyway the next chapter is the last one (i'm gonna have to change the rating because i decided i want a proper smutty reunion) and get ready for a BIG SURPRISE!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to change the rating on this fic because of this chapter lmao and this chapter is also purely self-indulgence so enjoy

**_Three weeks later_ **

 

Neil’s recovery was a long road, but it was steady, and it was stable. He made a full recovery. There were a few scrapes and bumps that made Kevin paranoid and terrified beyond measure, but Neil was a fighter. He’d always been one. The doctors put him on blood thinner medications and gave him prescriptions to manage his illness. Eventually, with the help of his doctors and his boyfriends, he was walking again. And it wasn’t long after that until he was running again. 

When he returned to the court, his team and his fans welcomed him back with enthusiastic open arms. 

Kevin never stopped believing he could do it. 

When Neil returned to the court, Kevin and Andrew did, too, and the Exy world blew up with the news.

They won their first game back. 

* * *

 

The doctors advised Neil that he shouldn’t engage in strenuous sexual activity for at least two weeks after he woke up from the coma - advice which he adamantly pouted about - but the boys found other ways to occupy themselves, and at the end of every night, they slept by each other’s sides in the positions they’d always held - Kevin and Andrew to the left and right with Neil warm and safe and protected between them, keeping them whole. 

Everything in Kevin’s life felt right again. 

He shadowed Neil constantly during the months after he woke up, always nervous that he would hurt himself again or something else would happen. Neil pretended to be annoyed by it, but he couldn’t object to Kevin’s clinginess. Andrew was clingier than usual, too, and there wasn’t a moment when Neil wasn’t surrounded by them, held by them, touched and supported by them. 

On the night Neil was finally cleared to have sex again, it was slow, and sweet, and intimate, and Kevin held him so, so carefully, like Neil was the most precious thing in the world. Andrew touched Neil like he was glass. They both made love to him, and he cried, but that was okay. Kevin cried a little bit, too. Andrew tried not to. 

After that first time, Kevin couldn’t get enough of Neil. He’d never been able to get enough of Neil, but it was different now. More precious. Now that Kevin realized how fragile everything truly was. How short their lives might be. How much they had to live for. That put a more emotional touch on things. He showered Neil with love and attention and everything Neil asked for, pampering him and treating him like a king. Andrew said it was disgusting and stupid, but Kevin noticed the things he did for Neil, too. Buying him his favorite foods from the grocery store even though Neil didn’t ask. Making sure Neil was always comfortable. Giving Neil gifts. Neil was spoiled rotten by them in the months after he woke up, and Kevin lived for the pretty blush on his cheeks whenever they did something nice for him. 

One night, Kevin and Neil were alone together - not totally alone, as Andrew was watching them from the other side of the room. Kevin and Neil were on the bed, wrapped up in each other, tangled in the sheets. Neil was slowly riding Kevin, perched on his lap as Kevin held him so tenderly, his arms around Neil’s waist, hands tracing up the lines of his strong back. Neil whimpered when Kevin wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking it slowly, running his thumb over the red, hard, dripping head. 

“Kev . . .” Neil whined, throwing his head back. Kevin kissed his neck, tracing his tongue along Neil’s collarbone, gently pressing his lips to Neil’s throat. “Fuck, Kevin, I can’t hold it - ”

He’d been trying not to come for twenty minutes, slowly pushing himself up and down on Kevin’s dick. 

“Shh,” Kevin whispered softly, rubbing the head of Neil’s dick with his thumb. “You can hold it, baby. I know you can.”

“I can’t,” Neil cried, his arms tightening around Kevin’s neck, hands clenching in his hair. His face was flushed, eyes blown wide and glassy, lips red and puffy. He was so fucking beautiful. Kevin worshipped him. 

He knew Andrew was watching them, but Kevin and Neil were only focused on each other right now. They were each other’s world. 

“I want to come with you,” Kevin whispered into Neil’s ear, thrusting up into him as Neil pushed his ass back. “Together. Hold it, sweetheart. I know you can do it.”

Neil whimpered again, his bottom lip trembling with the effort of holding himself back, and his walls tightened around Kevin. He moved faster, rolling his hips, using Kevin’s shoulders as leverage. Kevin had one hand on his waist, the other still on Neil’s cock. His breathing quickened; his moans were sweeter. 

“That’s it,” Kevin encouraged, almost to the edge. “So good, baby. Just like that. God, I missed this - I missed holding you like this - ”

And then Kevin was coming in Neil’s ass, and Neil was coming on their chests with a beautiful strangled cry. Kevin wrapped his arms around Neil, buried his face in his neck, and rocked against him, milking his orgasm inside Neil’s ass as Neil trembled in his arms. They fell backwards against the pillows like that, holding each other. 

Andrew came over then and gently shoved Kevin aside. Kevin didn’t want to let go of Neil, so he kept his hand and nuzzled his neck while Andrew bent between Neil’s legs. Neil gasped when Andrew started eating him out, cleaning Kevin’s come out of Neil with his tongue. He didn’t stop until Neil had come again, with Kevin stroking his chest. Kevin licked the come off Neil’s chest, swallowing every drop. He loved tasting Neil on his tongue. 

Andrew settled on Neil’s other side on the bed, and Neil snuggled between them, spooned against Kevin’s chest. Kevin nosed his way along Neil’s jaw, his ear, kissing his cheek and the side of his mouth, his hand tracing slow circles and patterns over Neil’s scarred chest. There were new scars there, from the surgery, fresh and still healing. Kevin thought they were as beautiful as the rest of Neil. 

“I love you,” Neil whispered to the air between them, to both of them. Kevin held him tighter. Andrew stroked his face, pushing Neil’s hair back. He kissed him. 

Kevin took a deep breath. 

“Marry me.”

Neil laughed. “What?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow. 

Kevin sat up, and Neil followed, a crease between his brows now. Kevin took both of his hands and stared him in the eye. “I’m serious. Marry me, Neil.”

It was something he’d wanted to say as soon as Neil had first opened his eyes from the coma, something he’d been thinking about for weeks. He already had a ring. He hadn’t talked to Andrew about it, but he’d planned to. A little late for that now, but Kevin didn’t care. The moment was right. He wanted it. 

Neil’s eyes started to water. “You’re . . . you want to get married?”

“ _ Yes, _ ” Kevin said desperately, squeezing Neil’s hands. Neil squeezed back, at least. That was a good sign. Kevin looked at Andrew, who was staring at him, his face expressionless. “I was going to tell you. I want you to know that I - I would marry you too, if that was something you wanted. But . . . you don’t want it, right?” Kevin was pretty sure Andrew didn’t care one way or the other about marriage. 

Andrew tilted his head to the side. “I could care less about marriage. I don’t think we need it to signify what we are to each other.” He looked at Neil, his eyes deep. “Do you want this?”

“But what about you?” Neil asked softly, his voice trembling a little. He sniffled, wiping his eyes. “Won’t you feel left out?”

Andrew gave him a long-suffering look. “You always ask such stupid questions.” He sighed and took Neil’s face between his hands. “Nothing will change between the three of us. It will stay just like this.”

“I just . . .” Kevin said, and Neil looked back at him, eyes wet and shiny. “These last two months have made me realize how badly I want this with you. I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you, Neil, and I want - I want everyone to know how much I love you. How much I will  _ always _ love you. I want the whole world to know.”

Kevin knew Andrew was right. Nothing would change between the three of them. There would just be an extra piece of paper there. Some rings. They could get Andrew one, too, a symbolic one. Maybe they could move into a house instead of an apartment. 

Kevin wanted to be permanently attached to Neil, even more than he already was. He wanted official statements and a big ceremony. He wanted it all. 

“So marry me,” he said again. He got off the bed - he was still buck naked - and went to retrieve the ring where he’d been hiding it in one of his drawers. He was so worried Neil would find it (Neil was always stealing his clothes) but luckily he’d managed to keep it a secret. 

Neil’s hands flew to his mouth when Kevin sat on the bed again and opened the ring box. It was a simple gold wedding band, and on the inside, Kevin had gotten it engraved. It said  _ Love you now, tomorrow, and forever. _ It was somewhat of an inside joke between Kevin and Neil. Sometimes, after they fought and they were making up, Neil asked with a cheeky smile, “Will you still love me tomorrow?”

Kevin would pull him close, kiss each corner of his mouth, and say, “I love you now. I promise I will love you tomorrow. And forever after that.”

Andrew called them cheesy sentimental bastards. 

He was right. 

“Neil Abram Josten,” Kevin said quietly, taking the ring out of the box. Andrew watched him do it. There was a lump in his throat, and he had to swallow over it. Andrew ignored the jump in his heart. The stinging in his eyes. He hated his boyfriends and their constant emotions. 

Kevin gave Neil a watery smile and held the ring between his fingers, his heart open and bare between them. “Will you marry me?”

Neil looked back at Andrew. Andrew picked up Neil’s hand. 

“Yes or no?” he asked. As if the answer could ever be no.

“ _ Yes, _ ” Neil whispered.  _ “Yes,  _ yes, yes.” 

Kevin slipped the ring on the finger of the hand that Andrew was holding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO GLAD THIS FIC IS DONE JESUS CHRIST but also i lowkey made myself cry writing this chapter and i hope y'all like it, thanks for reading everyone! i hope everyone is satisfied with the ending! next time i write a chapter fic i am definitely writing out the entire thing first before i start posting it, this was too much and took me way too long and i'm glad to be done with it

**Author's Note:**

> boy it is DANGEROUS to start posting another chapter fic when i'm still working on another one (the birthday list) but i hope to update both of them pretty consistently, though we'll see with school and stuff. i'm just posting what i have so far.


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